Dave Barry is an American author, humorist, and Pulitzer prize winner. And, if there’s one thing he’s known for, it’s his funny quotes about things he has learned over the years.
Fans have compiled his quotes from his 1997 piece called “25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years” from his book Dave Barry Turns 50 and from his other articles and columns. Years later, the wisdom in these quotes still holds true as much today as it did two decades ago. That’s why we have decided to share some of his pearls of wisdom with you.
We hope you enjoy them as much as we did.
19 Things It Took 60 Years To Learn
1. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.
2. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
3. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
4. A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.
5. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
6. Guys are simple… Women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
7. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
8. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
9. Don’t emphasize money if you don’t have much; be happy.
10. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp on them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
11. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. Never fails.)
14. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
15. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
16. Light overcomes darkness. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
17. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
18. Your friends love you anyway.
19. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
More on Dave Barry
Dave Barry began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general-assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania. He also wrote a column published in the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005.
In 1983, he became a published author with the non-fiction book The Taming of the Screw. He went on to publish more books. In 1988, Barry won a Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. The selecting council praised his ability “for his consistently effective use of humor as a device for presenting fresh insights into serious concerns.“
In 2011, his novel Big Trouble was adapted to a film starring Rene Russo, Patrick Warburton, and Tim Allen, with a cameo by Barry that was deleted in post-production.
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