Being a single parent isn’t easy. For whatever reason, your spouse has parted ways, and now you are on your own as a parent. You will always want what’s best for your kids, but having support from others can go a long way. This single dad posted on Reddit comparing what his everyday life is like to his ex-wife’s. Saying that more often than not, single moms are given the benefit of the doubt compared to single dads. Of course, this has sparked debate.
Being A Single Dad
In this Reddit user’s post, he explains that he’s noticed his ex-wife has full support from their divorce despite her affair that caused it. “My ex has women telling her on social media how amazing she is for raising kids on her own and how strong and independent she is for picking herself up after the divorce (that she caused with her affair) and being a mom. I have none of that.” (1)
He further explains that he’s not seeking any reward for being a single father. Rather, he wants people to recognize that this is a real issue for divorced couples. People often gravitate towards the single mom as if she is some kind of superhero for being a single parent. All the while being a single dad receives absolutely no support in any shape or form.
“It’s not that my friends don’t think I’m a good dad; it’s that as a society, we have made the single mom a sort of unsung hero. What about single dads? We do the same shit. I work and take care of my kids the same way, but I don’t get celebrated like I’m doing something amazing. I just get the recognition that almost all dads get…nothing.” (1)
Why Is This A Problem?
Of course, this post has received various comments that agree and disagree with this single father. Unfortunately, many people who disagree believe that this is what feminism is supposed to look like. The Reddit post continues to say that it’s the same when he tries to attend mom groups to socialize his kids. He’s estranged from the single moms, and he’s left to play with his kids and avoids using his phone. Regardless, he’s still treated as if he’s not even a parent by others.
“I’ve been to mom groups to socialize my kids, and I’m this weird anomaly, and they don’t even talk to me, so then I play with my kid, so I’m not just there on my phone. It’s not the same for us. We don’t have the same resources.” (1)
As a single parent, you want people to be supportive of you the same way your ex is supported. Especially if they were the one that quite honestly doesn’t really deserve it, despite the fact, having a small portion of validation can go a very long way as a parent. Single dads are consistently given this narrative like they are the ones that cause all the harm. Feminism, in this case, means equality for both single dads and moms. They should be given the same resources and tools to feel like they are not in this alone.
Full Time Custody VS Part Time
Arguably, everybody is susceptible to getting the wrong idea about single parents. In all honesty, it’s really none of their business. Although, this single father does recognize that he’s in a way fortunate that he’s doing part-time custody. Even pointing out that parents who have full custody should be given all the support for their hard work.
“As has been repeatedly pointed out, I know I’m not a full-time single parent. I’m still a single parent for a week at a time, and sometimes it’s badass and super rewarding cause my kids are the shit. Sometimes it’s hard. Just like it is for parents in a couple, part-time custody or full-time custody. I can’t imagine doing it completely on my own 24/7, and those people get major props.” (1)
Regardless, we shouldn’t be so quick to assume so much about people. Especially single parents who have gone through a messy divorce. The support that we give them should be encouraging because parenting is never easy. The only way anybody could truly denounce a parent is if they are virtually doing nothing for their kids. Abandoning their position as a parent and leaving it up to the other to raise their children. This is something else entirely. However, this single dad is willing to go the distance for his kids with or without others’ support. It’s important to talk about these inequalities to give single fathers and mothers more resources to deal with situations like this.