Normally we view engagements as a done-deal: You and your fiancé are going to be married. What does it take for a couple to break off their engagement? This woman calls off her wedding after she discovers her fiancé’s porn addiction. (1)
Woman Calls Off Her Wedding Because of Fiancé’s Porn Addiction
Like any bride-to-be, Claire Dalton was anxiously anticipating her wedding just one week away. After four years of friendship, a year of dating, and six months of wedding planning, her dream was finally coming true. That is, until one night, she unwittingly stumbled upon her fiancé’s porn addiction while looking up something on his phone. (1)
At first, he denied it. He claimed that his brother had the problem and that he must have gotten a hold of his phone when he wasn’t looking. Finally, however, he came clean that he was the one with the addiction. (1)
Shattered, ended their relationship. She was now someone she never thought she’d be: The woman who calls off her wedding. She spent the next year swimming in grief, despair, and a seemingly endless pit of dark and brooding emotion. (1)
Now, she shares her story to raise awareness of the damage and trauma porn addiction can cause and let others affected by it know they are not alone. (1)
“I share my story in hopes to reach a point of understanding and compassion for everyone who is going through, or who has gone through something similar,” she writes. “I know I am not the first woman in the world to be betrayed; therefore, I feel a deep connection to all of my fellow sisters who have been hurt. This is to all of you who feel dreadfully alone… You are not. You are understood. You are loved.” (1)
Calling of a Wedding Because of Porn? Here are the facts.
Porn is a massive industry with millions of customers around the world. Though many people never watch porn in their lives, just as many (if not more) do, ranging from rare users to quite frequent. (2)
Watching porn is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on your personal and/or religious beliefs. The problem lies when the incessant desire to watch it overrides everything else and gets in the way of living a regular, healthy life. (2)
Though the American Psychiatric Association (APA) hasn’t made porn addiction an official diagnosis, there is no denying that there are people whose compulsive porn habits greatly impact their and their loved ones’ lives. (3)
According to a study done by the Kinsey Institute in 2002, nine percent of people who watch porn are unsuccessful when trying to stop. (2)
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How To Spot A Porn Addiction
Porn addiction or compulsion is not associated with any inherent risks, tolerance, or withdrawal symptoms. This is why the APA does not classify it as an official addiction. Despite this, anyone who has dealt with porn addiction or knows someone who has knows how destructive it can be. (3)
Here are ways to know that porn use is becoming out-of-control (2, 3):
- You can’t stop thinking about porn, even when you’re not watching it
- You’re spending increasing amounts of time watching porn
- You watch porn at work, in public spaces, and in social situations where you could be seen
- You begin neglecting your responsibilities and even sleep to watch porn
- Without porn, sex is not enjoyable
- You insist that your romantic partner watch with you or act out fantasies even if they don’t want to
- Hiding your porn-watching habits from your partner, family, or loved ones
- Feeling ashamed, guilty, or depressed about your porn habits
- You can’t stop watching despite the harm it is causing or has caused to your work life, social life, romantic and other relationships
- When someone asks you to cut back, you get upset
- You tried to quit but were unsuccessful
If watching porn makes you feel bad or ashamed, but you find it gives you a rush in the moment that you can’t resist, this is a sign that it is a problem. (3)
What To Do About Porn Addiction
Calling off a wedding may seem extreme, but porn addiction can be a serious thing. Going to therapy is the best thing to help you get over porn addiction. A licensed therapist can help you get to the root cause of your addiction and give you the tools to overcome it. They can also ensure that you do not suffer from other underlying health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. (2, 3)
On your own, you can try a few things (3):
- Get rid of all the porn you currently own and delete any apps, videos, or bookmarks on your electronic devices.
- Have confidence install anti-porn software on your devices without giving you the password.
- Have that person be your accountability partner. They can ask you how you are doing and help you to stay on track.
- Learn your triggers and how to avoid them.
- Journal about your feelings, particularly when you have the urge to watch it.
- Have an alternative activity in place for when you get the urge to watch it.
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Councilors, and Therapists has an online tool that helps you locate qualified therapists near you. If you find yourself needing immediate help, call the National Helpline to speak to someone immediately.
You may also want to consider joining a support group.
It is possible to overcome porn addiction and live a full, happy life. If you are concerned about your habits, get help before it becomes a life-altering problem. Like the woman who called off her wedding, this can affect relationships. It’s ok to get help today.
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References
- “‘I’m THAT girl who spent 6 months with a ring on her finger. Who planned an entire wedding, only to find out a week prior it was all a lie.’: Woman discovers fiance’s pornography addiction, ‘I felt uncontrollably numb’.” Love What Matters. Eliza Murphy.
- “Is pornography addictive?” APA. Kirsten Weir. April 2014.
- “What if it’s left untreated?” HealthLine. Ann Pietrangelo. January 30, 2019