12 Signs You Are Not A Good Wife

Although no one is perfect, most people strive to be good partners, friends, children, and so on. However, many people behave, operating on autopilot, and may do things without even realizing they’re doing them. Or how it comes across to others. Here are some examples of behaviors that aren’t ideal in a partner. If you find yourself guilty of them, it’s a good idea to be mindful and try to avoid them in the future for the sake of your relationship. 

1. Don’t be overly critical

Freely speaking your mind is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship, but always finding something wrong with your partner’s actions, methods, choices, or words will only lead to resentment from the other person. Therefore, open communication is important, and so is “picking your battles.” Rather than harp on them for everything you think they do or say wrong, point out a few key things that are hurtful or damaging for you and chalk the rest up to “no one is perfect.” 

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2. Don’t Refuse to Speak Your Mind

While it’s important not to over-criticize your partner, it’s also unhealthy to keep things bottled up. If they’ve done or said something that is eating away at you, it’s perfectly acceptable to speak your mind. Just be sure to do it in a way that doesn’t come across as aggressive or accusatory. 

3. Withhold Attention to Make a Point

For some, time alone is the best way to handle being upset, hurt, scared, etc. However, there’s a fine line between withholding attention out of spite and simply needing some space to assess the situation. 

Don’t withdraw from your partner as a form of punishment because you’re upset. Rather explain you’re uncomfortable and worried you might say something wrong and ask to address the issue at a time when you’re feeling more levelheaded. 

4. You don’t Show Appreciation 

Studies have shown that when people feel appreciated, they do more, working harder to continue to be their best selves. Therefore, not appreciating your spouse makes for a less-than-ideal partner, but showing your partner appreciation won’t just make them feel better. It will also encourage them to keep doing those things and create a chain reaction of productivity and abundant love. 

5. You’re controlling 

It’s common for spouses to spend quality time together, consult with each other before making big purchases, and consider how their decisions will impact the other person. Alternatively, wanting to have a say in every aspect of your partner’s life or expecting them to designate all of their free time to you isn’t healthy and can be a sign of co-dependency issues. Either way, everyone needs a little me time and the freedom to make their own decisions.  

6. You have Strong Opinions on their Relationships 

It’s understandable if your partner has a friend or group of friends who aren’t your favorite people to be around. However, preventing them from spending time with those friends can lead to feelings of isolation and depression, turbulence in the friend group, and ultimately resentment toward you for causing drama or chaos. 

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7. Sole Means of Support 

Although it’s normal to rely on our spouses and come to them for perspective or solutions, relying on them all the time for everything isn’t healthy. Additionally, always venting to your partner without giving them a similar courtesy can become draining for them, and they may resent you. Either way, it won’t help your relationship flourish. 

8. You Don’t Ask about Them

Everywhere we go, etiquette calls for polite exchanges. For example, servers at restaurants often ask “How are we doing this evening?” Meanwhile, cashiers and bank tellers always say hello and wish us a good day as we head off on our way. Yet, many people are so caught up in the chaos of their lives, that they don’t often treat their partners with a similar courtesy, let alone delve deeper into how their partner is. 

Questions to ask to show you care:

• Did you sleep well?  Alternatively, how’d you sleep?
• How are you feeling today?
• How was your day?
• Did you eat lunch today? Follow up: What’d you have? Did you enjoy it?
• Did anything scary, stressful, exciting, and so on, happen today? 
• What was your favorite part of your day? 
• What was the hardest to overcome today? Follow up: How’d you accomplish that?

9. You’re dismissive 

We’ve all heard or seen comparisons, cartoons, or thought-provoking quotes that essentially state we are impacted differently by the scenarios that plague us. It’s easy for most people to diminish the struggles of others. Meanwhile, it’s difficult to relate to or empathize with others because you may feel their stresses and problems are insignificant compared to yours. Unfortunately, treating a spouse or partner this way is a quick way to ensure they never feel seen or heard. 

10. You Refuse to Compromise 

Although there’s nothing wrong with being stubborn, as it can help you accomplish great things, refusal to budge can be damaging to your relationship. Ultimately, your partner may grow to question their place in your life or they may resent you for feeling like they’ll never have things their way. Or if their needs will ever be met.

11. You don’t bother with their interests 

Although it’s unlikely that you’ll enjoy every activity your spouse does, it’s important to find things in common to do together like hiking, kayaking, painting, sculpting, or any number of other fun and engaging activities. Partaking in these activities together helps strengthen your relationship, makes your partner feel seen and heard, and gives you both an enjoyable outlet to share with each other. 

12. Stress Management 

When it comes to handling stress, it’s an emotional and physical reaction that no one is immune to, but improper or unhealthy coping mechanisms can cause your partner to suffer from mental health disorders and neither of you will feel good about the situation. Learning healthy coping skills and speaking with your partner regarding solutions is much better for everyone involved and, in turn, will help bring you closer together. 

While some behaviors may seem to contradict one another, the most critical aspect of nearly anything is to find a balance. Communication without so much openness that it feels like criticism. Being attentive while respecting other people’s needs for space, and so on. However, the best thing to do is to treat your partner with the same love, consideration, understanding, and support you hope to be met with, considering the difficulty of finding a balance or happy medium. That way, you’ll confidently know you’re not a bad wife, and your partner will mirror those behaviors, ensuring the relationship is fulfilling for both parties.

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