Imagine marrying the man of your dreams only to discover that he has testicular cancer. This is exactly what happened to one woman from St Petersburg, Russia. Although, there are most likely many examples of this worldwide. However, this woman had already started feeling fed up with her new hubby before his diagnosis. She then asked him for a divorce only because his sickness took a massive toll on their relationship.
She Did Not Imagine Divorce
Yana Fry met her ex-husband when she was only 21 years old; he was 15 years older than her. While most young women her age were finishing their degrees or traveling the world, Yana was getting ready for marriage. When she and her ex were dating, they had a thriving relationship. She truly thought they would be together for the rest of their days. She never imagined having to divorce him. “We had a great dating experience. I definitely thought, ‘I’m marrying for life, and I want babies right away,”’ she said.
One year after they met, they decided to tie the knot. This was a decision that would later come back to haunt her. She believed that she made a brash decision to make such a big shift in life as she was still so young. The now 40-year-old Yana said, “I rushed into that marriage. I don’t think women should marry before 30. We have no idea who we are, and we don’t know what is a good partner for us.”
Only three months into their marriage, Yana revealed that her husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. “Then my husband, who was 37, got diagnosed with testicular cancer when I was 22.”
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She Wanted Children
Yana Fry may have been young, but she knew she wanted to have children one day. However, she feared this would not be an easy task because of her ex’s diagnosis. This was on of the reasons she asked for a divorce. “The chances of people dying from testicular cancer are not as high as other types of cancer. Usually, doctors tell you that unless there’s some kind of big exception, you’re going to survive for quite a while. But I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to have children,” she said.
Although they had a good relationship, it was not strong enough to endure this curveball. According to Yana, her ex was the type of person who couldn’t handle the diagnosis, and he wallowed in self-pity. This can be exhausting for a woman at this time of her life. “People react in one of two ways to critical illnesses, I’ve seen it over and over,” she said. “The first type was how my husband unfortunately was – the people who drown in self-pity. The second type of people are those who are instead concerned with everyone around them.”
She Asked Him For a Divorce
After five years, countless doctors, and various treatments, their relationship took a toll; it was not the same as it was when they first started dating. Yana was a shell of her former self. All the support she had given, but not receiving any in exchange, took a massive toll on her spirit. “I felt like I couldn’t say anything,” she said. “When someone is dying next to you, you feel like you can’t talk about your own wellbeing because you compare it to their suffering.”
I divorced my dying husband — he wallowed in self-pity and killed my vibe https://t.co/A0htk162E5 pic.twitter.com/iOkdFEClw6
— New York Post (@nypost) June 20, 2023
She did not ask her husband for a divorce right after he was diagnosed, but only when she realized staying with him was also killing her. Figuratively speaking, of course. “It was very clear to me that if I didn’t save myself, I was probably going to die,” she said.
Yana’s request to divorce her ex-husband only deepened his sense of self-pity. “His main focus was more and more so about him. At the beginning of his treatment, he was still checking on me. He felt even more pity for himself because of the divorce,” she said.
She Started From Scratch
Yana Fry was now free from her burdensome marriage. But, her decision put her in the limelight of a judgmental society. “I can’t say that he was hugely supportive, but it was understandable. What was even harder was reaction of society, which I didn’t expect,” she said. “People sent me horrible messages. I don’t want to call it hatred, but it was close to that. People were in pain and they wanted to blame someone. His family were so disappointed.”
Yana Fry had to start from scratch after her divorce. She had not worked on a career of her own as she had invested all her time on her sick husband. She worked through her inner demons, and this led her to her career path. “Once I found inner peace, my work transformed from helping people to process pain to helping people to find their purpose in life.” she said. “That’s what I am doing now.”
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Sources
- “Wife who divorced her husband for ‘drowning in self-pity’ after discovering he was dying from testicular cancer explains why she has no regrets: ‘I’m not a horrible person’” Daily Mail. Louise Allingham. June 20, 2023.
- “I divorced my dying husband — he wallowed in self-pity and killed my vibe.” NY Post. Andrew Court. June 20, 2023