Relationship conundrums are the worst for the people involved in them- but r/AITA does have a field day solving them. And if the situation is unsolvable- they do love to judge the people that messed up. Yet, one can’t deny the fact that turbulences do crop up in interpersonal relationships. The reasons could be varied- some might have physical issues. Some people could be going through emotional turmoil. While in the case of u/AITAfianceskidbro, it is more of a case of financial support.
OP and her fiance (soon-to-be-ex) were not in the best of conditions financially, which is when a tragedy took place. The fiance’s parents died in a horrible accident, and his younger brother was sent to their aunt’s place. But as it turns out, the aunt has her own financial issues. This involves the kid sleeping on the floor due to overcrowding at the place. This is when the fiance dragged up the topic of his younger brother staying with them. OP, though, shot it down immediately.
Providing financial support- Compromises One Has To Make In A Relationship?
“Derek wants to have his brother move in with us, but I’m not comfortable sharing a room with this 13 year old boy I’ve met twice. I also don’t want to support him, that’s at least a six-year commitment that I never signed up for. I don’t even want kids. Derek has suggested we move into a bigger apartment, but our studio is about as cheap as it gets in this city. We lucked out and have been here for five years and the landlord has never raised the rent.
If we move it’ll probably cost around 3k to move, and an extra 1k per month at least. Not to mention and extra mouth to feed, school clothes and supplies to buy, etc. It doesn’t feel fair to me at all, and I feel like Derek is using the fact that he supported me for four years against me. Yes he supported me, but it was a lot cheaper to pay for two people in a studio apartment rather than supporting 3 in a bigger and more expensive place. The deal was for him to support me, and for me to support him. Not him and his brother.”
After several discussions with OP’s fiance- which included OP showing spreadsheets of their financial costs, and how financially supporting Derek’s brother would be a huge strain on their finances, OP’s fiance threw a curveball at her. “Derek gave me an ultimatum, support him and his brother or we split. It was pretty clear he was bluffing, but I agreed. Our rental agreement is month to month, so I told him I’d let our landlord know I’d be out before November 1st so he can take over the rental agreement. I’m currently packing my stuff to stay with with a friend, but I should be able to find a place pretty soon. Derek has been begging me to stay, he has no job or way to pay for rent next month.”
What Did r/AITA Think About The Whole Debacle?
OP decided to pay him $3.5k for all the years that he supported her- which should support him for over two months. After that- he was on his own. So, what did r/AITA think about this inane question of financial support?
u/gcot802 stated, “Your reasoning is fair. You didn’t want kids, didn’t sign up for kids, your life is not set up for kids. But that is his brother, and he feels responsible to care for his family. If you are going to marry this man, his burdens become yours and vice versa. Tbh this whole situation sucks, I am not sure what I would do.”
Another user u/GlobalDragonfly1305 responded to this comment with, “OP’s fiance shouldn’t expect OP to be the only one to sacrifice. OP offered a reasonable compromise for the fiance to get a job to help with expenses and put off school for several years. If the fiance isn’t willing to sacrifice at all, he shouldn’t expect OP to be okay with carrying the lion’s share of the burden.”
u/TheMildOnes34 had a reasonable take on the whole financial support conundrum. “Just FYI on the finance side, if you are in the US, he would likely qualify for deceased parents’ benefits which might help with the food and the rent. I could never turn away my significance other’s sibling in such a desperate situation but technically no, I guess you don’t owe it to him or anyone. Heads up though, I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up a deal breaker in your relationship.”
A Big Commitment, But Is It All Wrong?
Another user, u/RoyallyOakie, commented, “NTA…this is a huge commitment. Your fiance doesn’t want to make any adjustments or contributions. He simply wants you to support both of them in a situation that’s not currently ideal. Who’s to say he’ll like your place any better? Your fiance needs to bring more to the table.”
u/missb215 stated, “I may be reading this wrong, but it very much seems like your fiance wanted the glory but none of the work. He wanted to take in his brother and receive praise for taking in the poor boy without ever actually having the responsibility of raising a child, and not only that but he doesn’t even want to contribute to the financial cost of his brother.”
u/MombieZ3 mentioned, “It seems like you guys are at an impasse in life. It may be best for him to pause his schooling or to slow down his schedule for now so he can help pay for an extra mouth to feed. It is his brother ultimately so don’t be shocked when he chooses his brother over you.”
The Reddit community strictly believed that the situation was one where no answer was absolutely correct from a moral standpoint. But OP was not expected to provide financial support to the fiance and his brother- with the former doing none of the work and yet receiving all of the credit.
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- “AITA for not supporting my Fiance’s kid brother after their parents died.” Reddit. October 2022.
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