What would you do if your wife (or sister, daughter, or best friend) continued to drink alcohol after finding out she was pregnant? That’s what this man wants to know. His pregnant wife won’t stop drinking, and he doesn’t know what to do. He decided to ask Reddit for advice. (1)
Man’s Pregnant Wife Won’t Stop Drinking
In his post, the man explains that the pregnancy was unplanned, however, he and his wife decided that they were going to follow through and keep the child. The husband is well aware of the potential adverse effects that alcohol consumption can have on a developing fetus. (1)
“My brother has FAS [fetal alcohol syndrome], and I know how terrible it is,” he explained. (1)
His wife, however, won’t stop drinking. Their doctor told her that she could drink one glass of wine or one beer per day, but that was it. Of course, it would be better if she simply abstained entirely. Instead, she has continued almost as if everything were normal. (1)
“She drinks multiple glasses of wine sometimes, and sometimes stronger alcohol (vodka, whisky, etc.),” he lamented. “I’ve stopped buying any, but she gets it herself.” (1)
He says that he has tried to reason with her, but she just tells him that it is her body so it is her choice. Naturally, this is straining their relationship, and the husband has had enough. He wants to divorce her, but he’s afraid if he’s not there she’ll drink even more. Unsure of what to do, he asked Reddit. This is their advice. (1)
A Pregnant Wife Won’t Stop Drinking: Reddit’s Advice
This man’s pregnant wife won’t stop drinking and the general consensus from the commenters is that he needs to (1):
- Tell the doctor
- Try to get his wife some help
- End the relationship and seek custody of the child
Many also agree that his wife may have an alcohol problem, and question whether or not she actually wants the child at all. They agree that what she is doing is a form of child abuse. (1)
“I suggest you get in contact with AlAnon which is for the friends and family of alcoholics.
I also think you should contact her GP with this information. It may impact the treatment she needs and they may also be able to encourage her towards rehab.
There is a higher chance your child may be born with FAS as well. If she is still drinking heavily by the birth, my advice is to divorce and seek full custody, with her having supervised access only.” said one commenter. (1)
“Well that’s alcoholism, brother. Contact her doctor and get her into treatment. Doing nothing and waiting for a damaged child to be born THEN bailing would make you evil beyond belief. Act now to save your soul.” said another. (1)
She Needs To Recognize The Problem
While many speak of her getting treatment, a few were quick to point out that doctors can’t force anyone into any kind of treatment or program. She needs to recognize that there is a problem and consent to treatment herself.
“Keeping an alcohol diary is a good first step to breaking through the denial. Often people will be fooling themselves about how much they drink/use. Then maybe talking therapy to look at why she’s drinking. I would hazard a guess at some past trauma. Good luck.” one user suggested. (1)
Others agree with documentation and that he should get lawyers involved, as well. (1)
No Longer Just Her Body
The commenters also all agree that once she made the decision to keep the child, the argument of “her body, her choice” is no longer valid. (1)
“It’s common knowledge that you don’t drink or smoke when you’re pregnant. She’s just being selfish, and stupid. It’s not her body her choice. She’s ruining someone else’s life! Before it can even begin,” writes one user. “This is how miscarriages, deformities, and development issues happen. She has a responsibility to that child. If something happens to that child, god forbid, it will be her fault and she’ll need to live with that her entire life. That is also your child! You have a say in its wellbeing. Get in there and save your kid!” (1)
Another user agrees.
“Precisely. If you decide to keep a child then it is no longer only your body because you are sharing that body with another human who isn’t even capable of making their own choices or defending themselves! That should be considered a crime. I’m so confused as to why she would keep the kid in the first place if she’s just going to abuse it in this manner.” (1)
Ultimately, the commenters remind the man that he has rights, too, because it is his child. One thing they certainly all agree on: Regardless of whether the child is born healthy or not, this woman is not fit to be a mother. They say that he should divorce her and seek full custody when the child is born. (1)
What do you think? What would you do in this situation?