wedding invitation being handed between people
Sarah Biren
Sarah Biren
May 9, 2024 ·  4 min read

‘My friend planned her wedding on the same date my entire family died’

A woman lost her mother, husband, and daughter to a car accident. Seven years later, she slowly succeeded in piecing her life back together and moved to a new city. But every year on the death anniversary, she would drive seven hours to visit the graves. However, one friend decided to interrupt this routine when she planned her wedding on the same date of the tragedy. And that was just the beginning of her demands. The woman took to Reddit to post about this experience, asking if she is the a**hole if she doesn’t go to the wedding.

Friend Planned Her Wedding on the Anniversary of My Family’s Death

My friend Amy (fake name) announced she was engaged last year to her boyfriend of three months. The friend group and I were quite shocked as we never even met him, nor did we know she was dating anyone… But nonetheless, we congratulated her and were happy for her.

Covid-19 postponed the wedding, but then Amy called the poster to discuss what day she planned her wedding. “She told me that she is having it on the same day of my family’s death anniversary and would like me to not visit their graves and just attend the wedding instead.” 

I was quite shocked that the wedding was planned that specific day and questioned as to why she picked that day. Amy told me she just liked the number date and told me that I can’t just gate-keep a certain day.”

Not only that, but Amy didn’t want her to visit the graves because “she doesn’t want my sadness and grief to take the attention at her wedding.”

I was incredibly stunned at what she said… I tried to ask for a compromise and told her if my emotions were that much of a problem, I’ll attend their graves after the wedding was over. She said she wants my support for the entire day and dedicate it towards her, but she’ll think about my offer.

However, a week passed with no word from Amy. So the poster wondered if she should go to the wedding “as I owe it to her, especially after all the support and love she gave me after my family’s death.” The poster concludes that it still doesn’t feel right to forget about her family just because of when Amy planned her wedding.

Read: Bride Doesn’t Want Fiance’s ‘Crotch Goblin’ Toddler At Wedding

The Response

The replies to this post were overwhelmingly in the poster’s favor. People couldn’t believe how selfish and toxic Amy was acting, and many warned the poster to stay away from such a controlling friend. Additionally, many comments said that the poster doesn’t “owe” Amy for her being supportive after her family died. A good friend should be supportive and loving after such a horrific trauma; it’s not a debt to be repaid. And if Amy is making her feel like she “owes” her, that’s a very bad sign for their friendship.

The top comment read, “…But I have a question. Why is Amy allowed to gate-keep that day for her own, but not you? After all, her wedding anniversary will be on that date from now on. Will she try to force you to forget about your loss every year? I think it’s really insensitive and selfish of her.

Similarly, many comments argue how Amy seems to be trying to control her friend’s emotions. It’s telling that she planned her wedding on that specific day. “And trying to control your emotions in addition to your actions… she doesn’t only want you at her wedding, she wants to control what you do with the time you’re not at her wedding. As if that would stop you from being sad.”

Some people questioned Amy’s fiancee. Perhaps Amy exhibited unhealthy signs throughout the friendship (which the poster doesn’t mention). But if Amy was a true friend seven years ago at the time of the tragedy, perhaps something had changed her. And her sudden engagement might be a red flag.

“Is anyone else really concerned about Amy’s relationship?” one commenter wrote. “…Suddenly someone who was apparently very kind and supportive of this exact tragedy has decided to get married on that very day, knowingly, and try to tell OP he [sic] can’t go grieve? …It sounds so very much like the result of someone whispering in your ear…” They surmise that this could be a plot of the fiance to isolate Amy from her friends.

Learning From Others

Of course, this story has to be taken with a grain of salt. After all, anyone could write anything on Reddit. Similarly, many comments are based on speculation since no one knows what really happened. 

Still, here’s what to learn from this instance. The poster seems conflicted over what seems like an obvious decision, but that’s how most people are. In any situation, we are too close to see it objectively, which could leave us in unhealthy, even toxic, positions. Stories such as these, even fabricated, could shed some light on similar occurrences in our own lives by adding that objectivity. And hopefully, the poster and anyone else in a similar situation will make the best choices for themselves and their long-term well-being.

Keep Reading: ‘So rude’: Mom’s crazy demands to stranger offering free swimming lessons


  1. “AITA for not attending my friend’s wedding on the day of my family’s death anniversary?Reddit. March 2021.

Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.