Miscarriage is a devastating experience to go through as an expecting parent, especially for women. One unfortunate solace in all this is: couples who experience it are not alone. This woman wrote about her experience with miscarriage, reminding others that it is normal and okay to grieve the loss of a child that you never had the chance to meet. (1)
Miscarriage: It’s Okay To Mourn The Loss of Someone You Never Met
Like many hopeful parents, Rosy Crumpton was overjoyed when she confirmed that she was pregnant with her first child. She immediately got to work subscribing to pregnancy newsletters, downloading pregnancy apps, and creating a week-to-week countdown in her personal calendar. Both she and her partner were very excited. (1)
In one ultrasound appointment, everything changed. The excitement quickly turned to shock, which then settled into grief: Their pregnancy was no longer viable, and she would have to have surgery to remove their tiny, raspberry-sized baby boy. (1)
She deleted the apps, calendar notifications, and canceled all subscriptions. The one thing that took Rosy eight months to get rid of were the two pregnancy tests she used to confirm that she was expecting. (1)
“I kept the two positive pregnancy tests that it took to convince me I was expecting and stored them under the sink in our bathroom. Again, I don’t know why. I kept that carefully chosen baby book planner with up-to-date entries of symptoms and potential names written in it. Would I use it again? Should I keep it to remember him? Everything else would be deleted just as if this had never happened—as if this baby had never existed.” she wrote. (1)
In sharing her story, she wants other women to know that it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, and even angry. It’s also okay to laugh, feel happiness, and continue with your life. Most importantly, it’s perfectly normal to do both. (1)
“Know that it’s fine to miss someone you never met. Know that there are no rules to this thing. It’s simply okay to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay to do you.” (1)
If You’ve Had A Miscarriage, You Are Not Alone
Miscarriage, when a woman loses a pregnancy within the first 20 weeks of becoming pregnant, is not uncommon. Between 10% and 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. (2)
Miscarriages can be caused by a vast number of reasons (2):
- Genetics
- Maternal age
- Other medical conditions
- Infections
- Anatomic problems
- Blood clotting disorders
To decrease the risk of miscarriage, pregnant women should eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, limit caffeine intake, and discontinue drug and alcohol use. Regular prenatal visits will also help trouble-shoot higher-risk pregnancies. (2)
Despite all of this, even women who do everything “right” can have a miscarriage. It is not your fault, and one miscarriage doesn’t mean that you cannot have children. (2)
Miscarriage is a tragic and highly emotional experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Lean on your friends and family for support, and look for support groups in your area. If necessary, ask your doctor to see a therapist or mental health counselor who can help you process this new trauma. (2)
“Remind yourself that you’re alright. Be grateful for the love you feel from those in your life. Be present. Meditate. Pray. Read. Connect with others,” says Rosy. “Be hopeful and stay strong.” (2)
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References
- “It’s Okay to Miss Someone you Never Met”—a Miscarriage Story.” Elephant Journal. Rosy Crumpton. August 23, 2017.
- ” A Breakdown of Miscarriage Rates by Week.” Health Line. Rena Goldman. October 3, 2018.