A 27-year-old mother is sharing her story after her four-month-old son died when she fell asleep while nursing him in bed. Rebekka Card hopes her experience will help other parents understand the risks of bed-sharing and find support during similar tragedies.
Hayden Card died in December after his mother fell asleep while breastfeeding him around 1 a.m. He was found unresponsive between his parents’ hours later. An autopsy ruled his death “undetermined” but noted it was “consistent with SIDS.”
Rebekka has turned to social media to share her story and build a community for grieving parents. Her advocacy work addresses the gap in support for families facing infant sleep-related deaths.
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The Night Everything Changed
Rebekka followed her usual routine on the night Hayden passed. She nursed him around 9:15 p.m. and placed him in a DockATot, a portable infant lounger her pediatrician had recommended keeping in the bed rather than the crib due to suffocation risks. Hayden had never really taken a bottle despite their attempts and very much preferred nursing.
She went to sleep around 10 p.m., about 45 minutes after Hayden settled. When he woke for another feeding, she lifted him from his DockATot. As she always did, she sat up against the headboard, holding Hayden in a crisscross position.
“I have no memory of falling asleep,” she told reporters. “The next thing I remember is my husband asking where Hayden was.” It was before 5 a.m. when her husband woke up. The couple found Hayden unresponsive between them in the bed. They immediately called 911 and performed CPR until paramedics arrived.
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Hospital Response and Investigation
Emergency responders rushed Hayden to the hospital. Police separated Rebekka and her husband for questioning, standard procedure in infant death cases. The parents were denied access to see Hayden and waited hours without information about their son’s condition.
“Two doctors and a nurse came in. I could see it on their faces,” she recalls. “They told us he hadn’t made it.” They were allowed to say goodbye only hours later, after being called back to the hospital.
The autopsy found no signs of disease, infection, trauma, toxins, or airway obstruction. Medical examiners ruled out suffocation. Hayden’s official cause and manner of death were listed as “undetermined.” The report noted the death was “consistent with SIDS“ and mentioned “a sleeping position causing a baby to not be able to breathe.”
Medical Guidelines for Nursing and Sleep Safety
SIDS remains one of the leading causes of death in infants between one month and one year old. Many infant sleep deaths occur without clear medical explanations despite thorough investigations. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly advises against bed-sharing with infants. Research shows the practice increases the risk of sleep-related infant deaths by up to 67 times.
Many parents still choose bed-sharing for convenience, particularly when nursing. The pediatrician had recommended placing the DockATot in the bed rather than the crib, but bed-sharing carries inherent risks regardless of sleep products used.
Turning Grief Into Advocacy
Rebekka began sharing her story on TikTok after recognizing limited support for parents in similar situations. Her posts attract messages from other mothers and women planning to become mothers. “I wasn’t finding people who understood what I was going through,” she explains. “When I started sharing, other moms began reaching out to me.”
Her platform provides resources like the Sleep Safe Seven guidelines for parents who choose bed-sharing. “I always leave my messages open,” she says. “I want people to know they’re not alone.”
Building Community Through Loss
Card’s advocacy extends beyond sharing personal experience. She connects parents with educational resources while acknowledging that prevention strategies must account for real-world parenting situations.
Her TikTok content includes videos of Hayden taken the day before he died. One post states, “I fell asleep nursing my son, and he never woke up. Tragedy only looks preventable when you’re not the one going through it.”
The response has been overwhelming. Parents struggling with guilt, grief, and isolation find community through Card’s willingness to discuss topics often surrounded by silence and shame.
Rebekka emphasizes support without comparison. She listens to individual experiences without dismissing different types of loss or trauma. Her healing process involves embracing the natural ups and downs of grief. “Other days, I feel very motivated and driven to get things done. When I try to suppress being sad, then it comes back harder.”
Remembering Hayden
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Rebekka describes Hayden as having “the purest soul” and rarely crying. She treasures memories from their four months together while working to honor his life through her advocacy.
“He had the purest soul. His energy was so genuine,” she says. “The way he would look at you, how perfect he was.”
Hayden was eight days away from his fourth-month birthday when he died. His brief life continues to impact other families through his mother’s work, and Rebekka often tells others, “I hope you find a reason to smile today,” believing in the healing power of finding moments of light even in darkness.
Ongoing Impact
Her message resonates because it comes from a mother who lived through every parent’s worst nightmare. Rebekka fell asleep while nursing her baby boy and woke up to find him gone. The horror of that moment, the crushing weight of guilt, the unbearable question of “what if” that followed, these are the demons she carries every day.
“Creating and fostering a community gave me a different light and viewing of his passing,” says Rebekka in an interview. “It brought purpose to my pain.” Through her advocacy, she helps other families understand infant sleep safety while building a community where grieving parents find support. Her courage in sharing Hayden’s story ensures his brief life continues to protect other children and comfort other mothers facing their darkest moments.
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