Aren’t the joys of being a grandparent supposed to include the part where you’re called “Granny”, “Grandmama”, or “Nana” by your little love bugs? Well, this is actually causing major problems in a certain lady’s family. Her mother-in-law insists that when the kids start coming, they’ll call her Mommy as well. Her husband is all for it, but she’s having none of that [1]. Of course, you’ll see there’s more to it than that.
Title drama
In a post published on Reddit, she says her mother-in-law wants to be addressed as ‘Mommy Linda’, and she, the mom would be addressed as ‘Mommy (Mom’s name)’ [2]. She was unhappy about this because according to her, she deserves to be only one called ‘Mommy’, which is one of the sweetest things about having kids.
“I told my Dear Husband (DH) that I am not ok with that at all,” she wrote. “If I can’t be my own child’s mommy then I’m just not having kids. He thinks it’s not a big deal and I’m just being dramatic. He doesn’t see a problem with it because his brother’s kids call her that. And he says they don’t have any problems with it.”
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Her husband totally sided with his mom. The lady tried to make him see reason. She reminded him that the ‘Mommy Linda’ moniker is the cause of the tension and animosity between his brothers (a whole other story).
Her husband insisted that it wasn’t the cause of his brothers’ problems. If he called his own grandma ‘Mommy (her first-name)’, which he did, then things aren’t going to change for his own kids. He went ahead and got full-blown upset with her.
“Either way I think that I should have a say in what they call her/me,” she explained. “But I posted it here because I worried that I was in the wrong because everyone in my life (besides my own mother) thinks that I should just ignore it because that’s not a good reason to get divorced over. We don’t disagree on a lot so the whole situation is stressing me out a lot.”
If the thought of divorce actually crossed her mind, that takes this issue from zero to one hundred real quick. Her family and friends gave good advice, so there’s got to be other ways to iron out the issue, without thinking of divorce.
Online opinions
With 452 comments, a lot of people weighed in on the issue. Some people thought the lady shouldn’t make such a huge deal out of something, they saw, as relatively small. They insisted that there’s nothing wrong with the kids calling both her and the MIL ‘Mommy.’
One commenter said she doesn’t have a right to stress over what other people want to be called by the kids.
“You don’t get to choose other peoples’ names. You are not a dictator or supreme overlord, however much you may want to be. That being said, you don’t have to be ‘Mommy Your name,’ you can just be ‘Mommy’ if you want. You choose your own name, she chooses her own name.”
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Another said it was way too early for them to argue about this, and that it’s a totally normal thing for grandparents to choose whatever they’ll be called by their grandkids.
“This is just such a stupid argument. You don’t have kids yet so it’s not actually an issue and you’ve even said this would STOP you from having kids?! That’s ridiculous. From my experience, kids tend to call their grandparents whatever the parents call them. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. When and if you get pregnant suggest some other grandma titles to your Dear Husband and try to work on this constructively.”
Other people were in support of the lady, stating that the MIL has no right to insist that ‘Mommy’ be attached to her title.
One commenter says the MIL is most likely narcissistic, just like her own mother. This one got me doing a double-take.
“It sounds more like a personality disorder. My mom has a borderline personality disorder and is extremely narcissistic. This is exactly the kind of thing she would do. To her, my sister and I are basically extensions of herself and should do whatever she wants. She has overstepped with my kids to the point she is no longer welcome in our lives. My sister just had a kid, so we will see how that goes. My mom wanted to push me aside so she could make decisions for HER babies. It is incredibly important to set and stick to boundaries with people like this. Give them an inch and they take a mile.”
Another hilarious comment read that the MIL should go pop out some more children if she wants someone to call her ‘Mommy’.
“Tell your husband if she wants to be Mommy, she can birth some new children. Tell your husband that outside his circle, this is abnormal. Names and roles exist for a reason. By definition, she is a grandmother. Ask him why she wants to be specifically called Mommy.”
The lady said she’s certain now that she’s not the one in the wrong. She says she’ll show some of the comments to her husband, and hopefully, he’ll have a change of heart.
My Verdict
Well, since everyone has something to say, I have to weigh in on this too.
If I were in her shoes, I certainly wouldn’t fancy being called ‘Mommy Stacey’ by my kids. That just sounds awfully and ridiculously weird. It’s unfair to make a suggestion like that because after nurturing them in my womb for nine months, I get to decide what they’ll call me. She’s right to have stood her ground. The mother-in-law doesn’t want anyone to be called plain ‘Mommy’, which is questionable.
On the other hand, I don’t see anything wrong with the kids calling their grandmother ‘Mommy Linda.’ It actually portrays the fact that she’s not their real mom, but perhaps, their big mom.
The only problem I see here is that the MIL doesn’t want this lady to be addressed as ‘Mommy’, which is just plain (insert expletive here).
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- “MIL Wants Grandkids to Also Call Her ‘Mommy’ & Dad is Taking Her Side.” Cafe Mom. Genny Glassman. March 25, 2019.
- “AITA because I told DH that I will not let his mom pick her grandmother name.” Reddit. Published March 21, 2019.