In recent months, a term coined at Stanford University has captured headlines worldwide: mankeeping. It refers to the emotional labour that many heterosexual women end up shouldering in romantic relationships. This includes acting as their partner’s informal therapist, social coordinator and emotional manager. On top of regular household or mental tasks.
The strain is invisible, largely unpaid and often unreciprocated, and it is prompting more women to exit the dating scene altogether. Whether it is remembering birthdays, unpacking their partner’s feelings about his job or organizing social engagements, the burden has crossed a tipping point. This labour reflects a systemic imbalance ingrained in traditional gender norms.
The Loneliness Epidemic at Its Heart
Central to mankeeping is what experts call the “male loneliness epidemic.” Men today often maintain shallower emotional connections and fewer close friendships than women. Stanford’s research found that roughly one in five men report having no close friends, and compared to women, men’s social networks tend to be less emotionally supportive.
With fewer places to share emotional burdens, some men increasingly rely on their female partner. He turns to her to offload his worries, stress or mental health concerns. As one headline put it, she becomes a “live-in therapist.” This dynamic may provide temporary relief, but over time, it leads to emotional fatigue and relational burnout for women.
Why More Women Are Opting Out
Recent data shows that while 61 percent of single men in the United States report actively dating, only 38 percent of single women are seeking partners. Instead of a lack of desire for love, this gap suggests many women are choosing self-preservation over emotional exhaustion. One woman, summarising her experience in a Guardian piece, noted quiet-quitting the dating world because the mental baggage of imbalance was too much. They are not giving up on love, they are rejecting the role of emotional caretaker without reciprocity.
Emotional Labour Redefined
Mankeeping extends traditional emotional labour, which has long included tasks women undertake in family and household dynamics, often referred to as “kinkeeping.” Now, these caregiving expectations are being placed onto romantic relationships over and above the usual household responsibilities. Women are being asked to emotionally scaffold their partners. They support him through his stress, teach him social skills, coordinate his plans, and regulate his mood. Simply because he lacks these supports elsewhere. The labour is akin to a full-time job with none of the compensation.
A Gendered Dynamic Rooted in Societal Norms
Mankeeping is not just about individual relationships, but broader cultural values. Gender socialisation and outdated masculine ideals discourage emotional expression or seeking help. Men are often told to handle emotions themselves instead of asking male friends for support. When those friendships dry up, women feel obligated to fill the void. Many experts describe mankeeping as a product of toxic masculinity and gender-shaped expectations of emotional labour being women’s responsibility.
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What Women Are Saying
From op-eds to social media, women are vocalising their exhaustion with these dynamics. One Vice article described women rejecting being “therapists with benefits” and walking away from relationships due to repeated burnout when emotional support is one-sided. Guardian commentary echoed that women are opting for single life rather than shoulder yet more emotional labor. Online Reddit discussions highlight similar grievances. One user described how dating men who trauma-dump was “never-ending exhaustion.” Another said, “Being happier single than in a relationship… it takes a lot out of you to try and get your heart broken again and again.”
How the Trend Affects Everyone
This shift is resonating beyond romantic relationships. A growing body of evidence shows that single women report greater happiness and mental well-being than women who feel trapped in emotionally taxing relationships. Meanwhile, men’s emotional isolation still has consequences, impacting their health and social functioning. While men face loneliness and lack of emotional outlets, it does not justify shifting that duty onto their partners. A Stanford researcher said naming the phenomenon is just the first step toward rebalancing emotional work in relationships.
Strategies and Cultural Shifts
Is there a way forward? Experts suggest that healthier relationships would require men building broader social networks, seeking therapy and learning emotional communication. Not just relying on their partners. A hopeful trend among some Gen Z and younger men, where they call each other more often and openly talk about feelings, may slowly chip away at the loneliness epidemic. Women, for their part, are establishing boundaries, saying “I’m not your therapist,” and reclaiming the right to peace as single individuals.
Conclusion
Mankeeping exposes a gendered fault line in modern dating. When emotional labor falls disproportionately on women, it leads to frustration, relational fatigue and, in many cases, drives women to avoid dating altogether. While men face loneliness too, that loneliness should be addressed through social infrastructure and improved communication, not absorbed by women in romantic partnerships. The rise of mankeeping signals a cultural inflection point. As the term spreads, perhaps more balanced relationships will emerge, ones where both partners share emotional responsibilities and true intimacy grows without unpaid labor.
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