Husband Discovers Wife Has a Secret Savings Account and She Says He Has ‘No Right’ To Her Money

When couples choose to merge their lives, that often includes finances. Whether they open a joint account or keep their existing accounts separate, there is usually some sort of mutual agreement. Generally, the agreement is a partnership that ensures both people are treated fairly, giving as much as they’re taking. However, a man named Jim recently came across a secret savings account that left him feeling “betrayed.”

Discovering the Secret Savings

In a story submitted to the website Brightside, Jim discovered that his wife has a secret savings account, although she doesn’t have an income or family money. Instead, she is a stay-at-home mom. Jim explained that he “felt betrayed” that she didn’t tell him about the savings account.

“It turned out that she had secretly been running a successful business from home.” He said. “But it wasn’t the kind of business you’d expect. She’d been quietly crafting artisanal pet toys and accessories in our garage during her free time.”

What’s more, when he confronted her about it, she informed him that he had no right to the funds and threatened to leave him. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t trust you with my money because I know you’d end up helping your sister’s family. I feel you’ve already done enough for them.” She told him.

However, his feeling is that she made the money using his money, so he should be entitled to part of it. The couple seems to be at odds with one another, leaving Jim feeling at a loss. As a result, he presented his story to Brightside in the hopes of gaining some advice or perspective. Unsurprisingly, there was a lot of great advice to be found in response to the couple’s savings account disagreement and some really sound advice was given.

Advice Regarding the Savings

Jim was advised to seek couples counseling. A counselor’s office is a great place for couples to discuss the things they can’t agree on because it allows them to discuss their feelings in a neutral environment. Furthermore, a counselor’s unbiased perspective can create a buffer when conversations become heated. With this, the couple can also address financial boundaries or even emotional boundaries that have been crossed, possibly even adjusting their boundaries as needs change.

Jim was also told he should seek legal advice as this can offer the couple some clarity in regard to the most practical way to store or divide the savings and possible future assets. Meanwhile, it was also suggested that the couple reevaluate their priorities. “It’s time for your sister to get a job, perhaps she could work from home, your Wife is technically helping support your sister. You are using Money that belongs to both of you to support your sister & her children, you are taking money away from your own family to do that.” Commented Callie Ge. “Your wife has slowly built a profitable business & managed to save some money, which you have no right to take & give to your sister. You need to get your priorities straight. Your wife & family should come first not your sister.”

Moreover, some would argue that his wife works hard taking care of their home and 4 children. If she were to do that for others outside of their home, she would be earning an income. Therefore, she’s entitled to some financial compensation so that she can still feel a sense of independence. Or security.

Relationships may Fail

Sadly, many relationships end in heartbreak. Marriages fall apart, and women can be left with the responsibility of providing most of the care for their children. As a result, they’ll need some form of savings to help them get by. Conversely, it’s also suggested that Jim consider doing the same. After all, everyone can use a little extra in case of emergency.

Another instance in which a man found out his wife had a secret savings account was posted in AITA. He shared that his wife had a secret savings account in which she’d be putting around 40% of her income. “As someone who was in an abusive relationship for years, I wish I had had this foresight at the time. I’m now married to an amazing man, and I have an account like this. I call it “Runnin’ money”. One user commented, continuing, “My mother was in an excellent marriage, but she didn’t work. Things went south, they got divorced, and she REALLY struggled. I’ll never put myself in either position.”

Situations like the commentator’s mom happen all too often, and no one suspects it will happen to them. In fact, it’s so common that nearly 1 in 10 people admit to having a secret savings account. Either way, it’s a good idea to be prepared. However, the same is true for men, as was suggested to Jim.

Concerns of Financial Abuse

The Reddit user then shared that his wife accused him of “financial abuse” when he threatened to take 40% from their shared savings. Interestingly, many people agreed that he should have a separate savings account. In contrast, many also agreed that it was financial abuse because the account was shared and, therefore, money they both had earned and contributed. “If he wants to start an equitable account now, fine. Seriously denting the finances in retaliation IS financial abuse. She has no reason to feel guilty. His response PROVES her concerns valid. The first hint that he’s not getting his way, and he wants to have a tantrum.” Said one user.

While people will likely always be divided, one thing seems relatively unanimous. It’s okay, even ideal, to have a separate safety net, but nothing in a marriage should have to be a secret. Important information should not be withheld, including finances and savings, emotional needs, or boundaries in both subjects. Furthermore, couples should have open discussions about their financial goals, ensuring that in some way, they can align their future plans.

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