For some, marrying their high school sweetheart is the ultimate dream. I’m from a small town, and I know of at least three couples who did just that. While some people vouch for sticking out with your teenage love, many others highly suggest against it. Truthfully, there is no right or wrong answer – there are reasons for and against each option. Ultimately, it is up to the couple.
Reasons Why Marrying Your High School Sweetheart Is Incredible
Marrying your high school sweetheart can be absolutely amazing. There are naturally several positives to having someone by your side who has been there with you through the highs and lows of life. Kind of like a best friend, but with the romantic connection to go along with.
1. You’ve Grown Together
Of course, if you marry your high school flame, it is reasonable to assume that you are at least now out of high school and in the earlier years of real adulthood. This means that, together, you have gone through several periods of change and made it out on the other side, still in love with one another.
People change a lot through high school, university, and afterward when they enter the workforce. I, for one, certainly have. Sometimes this means couples who get together at a young age grow apart, developing different interests and ideas of where they want their lives to go. For some, however, weathering the challenges of growing up together brings them even closer.
2. You Know Each Other’s Stories Intimately
You’ve been there for most of each other’s major life events so far—the positives, like graduations, achievements, rewards, and more. You’ve also been there for the rough parts: Deaths, divorces, failures, and let-downs. You understand each other on a deeper level because you’ve been there through all the traumas, successes, and life-shaping moments.
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3. Shared Common Experience
There’s something to be said about being with someone from your hometown. Being raised in the same environment means you have similar values and ideas about life. You sidestep some of the problems couples go through when they don’t understand why certain things are important to you and not to them, and vice-versa.
4. You Know Each Other’s Families
You’ve been a part of one another’s families for a very long time. You need to get to know them because you already do. It also makes holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving easier, because you don’t have to decide who’s hometown to go to. You grew up down the block from each other – visiting both families is easy.
5. Your Love Grew Over Time
You’ve had years of growing and maturing together. What started as friendship, curiosity, and infatuation has grown into a deep bond that strengthened over several years. You know the love is real because you’ve gone through ups, downs, arguments, maybe even short-term breakups, only to come out together.
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Reasons Why Marrying Your High School Sweetheart Isn’t Such A Great Idea
Of course, for every fairytale love story, there are even more of the opposite. It’s not surprising, considering the divorce statistics worldwide, regardless of when and where you meet your spouse. For high school sweethearts, the odds are stacked against them. As I mentioned before, you change a lot throughout your teenage years and your twenties. Most of us don’t really know who we are in high school, and learning more about yourself takes time and a diversity of experience.
1. You Will Change
Staying with your high school beau may sound like a great idea in your senior year. Unfortunately, whether you leave your hometown for university or go straight into work, you will change a lot. You might have a lot in common now, but your interests, values, hobbies, and what you want out of life will change. Those values could stay in alignment, but it is more likely that they won’t.
2. It Can Hold You Back
Maybe you want to travel the world; maybe you want to get your P.h.D., or move to a new city and become CEO of your own company. Getting married always complicates these things because, by forming that union, you are committing to making compromises to build your life together. Your high school sweetheart might marvel at your big dreams and perhaps even talk about wanting those things, too. However, when it comes down to it, their life or their true values may get in the way and hold you back from living the life you truly want.
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3. You Don’t Discover Yourself, Solo
It is hard to truly figure out who you are and what you want out of life when you’ve never been alone. Being single allows you to be a bit selfish and experiment with your life. This means meeting and/or dating different people, trying new things, moving to a new place, whatever it is you need to to learn more about yourself. Being with someone from such a young age can stunt your ability to separate your wants, desires, and expression from theirs. Being single and not tying yourself down to anyone too early means you can focus on yourself.
4. You’re In Your Comfort Zone
Sure, it’s great having known the person – and their family, and that town – for years. The problem is that you are stuck in your comfort zone. Many people stay in relationships (and a life they aren’t truly happy in) because it is comfortable. Breaking up and branching out is known, and therefore scary. If you want to grow and evolve, you need to collect a variety of experiences and meet people of different opinions and values of your own. This way, you can learn to be a more open, accepting, and curious person.
5. You Have A High Risk Of Divorce
For all of the reasons above, the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you will get divorced. The reality is, most of us grow up and grow apart and become different people. Most of us need to meet other people, whether to realize that our high school sweetheart wasn’t the right person for us or to realize that yes, in fact, they are. You can’t go through that process if you never date other people and live separate lives.
The Bottom Line
So, should you marry your partner from high school? Well, the reality is, it is up to you. You may do it and stay happily in love your entire life. On the other hand, you may regret it. Just like with any relationship, you never truly know. So my advice? Do what feels right to you, always. Whether you marry your high school sweetheart or not, never be afraid to make a change when something isn’t making you happy.
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