woman with child
Jade Small
Jade Small
February 6, 2024 ·  4 min read

‘His ex just died in a car accident – but I don’t want to raise their kids’

The age-old question and often judgment of women who don’t want children has been around for centuries. Harsh criticism, particularly of women in powerful roles that choose not to have children, rings loudly through corridors of time. It is a sad fact that as women have wombs, it is expected that they are sometimes deemed “less than” if they choose not to use this organ to have a child. Especially when that biological clock starts clanging oh so very loudly, it just adds to the pressure!

An interesting documentary to watch about this by British filmmaker Maxine Trump, “To Kid or Not to Kid,” exposes the taboo of the women who choose not to have children, whilst at the same time exploring her own indecision about this stage in her life. 

Ex died in a car accident and left his kids behind

*Holly heard the warning sounds of the bell clanging early on in their relationship, when her fiancee *Cam, encouraged his 2 year old daughter to call her “Mummy”  

I never wanted to be a mum as I have a demanding career”

When they first started dating, Holly made it crystal clear that she did not want children. Of course, Cam at the time seemed to understand this. Also, at the time, his ex had primary custody of their children, so their time together with the children was limited. But, since his ex died in a car accident and she doesn’t want to raise their kids, everything took a drastic change. Suddenly the children were with Cam full time. Now, Holly found herself in a role that she had not even chosen for herself. 

Holly wrote on Reddit 

All of my reasons for not wanting to be a mum have turned out to be extremely true. I am going to be leaving as soon as Cam has his feet under him” “ 

I have an extremely demanding career that’s very important to me – so I don’t have the time or energy for parenting” she explained.

But now this difficult situation arose where His ex just died in a car accident – but I don’t want to raise their kids. Holly had never had much to do with the children up to this point. She and had only met them a few times up until the accident. The fatal accident where *Monica, her fiance’s ex, died in a car accident from drunk driving.

I can’t be a parent so my fiance needs to find someone else

Life as Holly knew it took a drastic change as the children’s needs had to be met and this was certainly not the life that she wanted to choose for her future. Being true to herself and of course to Cam, Holly called off their wedding. She knew she “can’t be a parent”.

Doing nappy changes, feedings, bedtime routines, soothing toothaches and earaches, wiping snotty noses, dealing with SCREAMING TANTRUMS, is not something I can do.”

I will help him get his feet under him, but I cannot be a parent and commit to it for life,” she said.

I told him we need to break up and he could find someone that wanted to be a parent.”

After ex died in a car accident, things just arent the same

Cam has refused to accept that Holly wants out of his and his children’s lives. “Sobbing and begging” Holly to stay with them and constantly using the  “guilt-tripping” method reminding her of how much they all need her. 

He says that he can’t lose me, that he’ll figure it out and he’ll find help so that I don’t need to be in a parent role,” “My family wants me to be a parent to my stepkids

I don’t see how that would possibly work, but now MY entire family is attacking me. And, calling me heartless and telling me we can work it out. I ask them if they thought it was OK if I married him, but didn’t take a parent role. They said, of course not, I should just suck it up and be a parent.

Why is the default that I should sacrifice my needs and entire life for him or I’m the bad person?”

Some may judge Holly harshly for her decision, but there are also those who will respect her decision. Because, as in the long-run, why force parenthood on someone who clearly does not want to be a parent. 

*Names were changed in the original post for sake of anonymity.

Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.

Keep Reading: Mom Gives Her Baby Stiletto Manicure, Posts On Social Media Offering Them To Others