Leah Berenson

Leah Berenson

August 21, 2024

20 Signs He’s Secretly A Terrible Person

Some behaviors are clear red flags but others are more subtle, seemingly harmless. Furthermore, forgiving someone we love for having an occasional mood swing after a bad day or amid a stressful time is easy. After all, everyone loses their temper or behaves questionably now and then. Sadly, some people behave poorly so often that it reflects who they are. Here are 20 signs your significant other may secretly be a bad person. 

1. He’s Insincere

Compassionate eastern husband giving comfort, support to upset wife, holding shoulders, speaking expressing empathy. Man feeling guilty, asking girlfriend to forgive. Relationship, compassion concept
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Nothing feels better than having a partner who genuinely takes an interest in you, your hopes, and your wants or needs. Alternatively, an insincere partner will leave you wondering if they’re saying something because they mean it, or they think it’s what you want to hear. Either way, a person who lacks sincerity is likely to leave you questioning their true intentions.

Read More: 10 Signs of a Fake Nice Person to Look Out For

2. He Doesn’t Listen

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Another sign that your partner may secretly be a person is he doesn’t listen to you. Not in the sense that he’s had a busy day and is distracted but in that he never lets you finish your sentences. For example, he never takes the time to listen to your concerns. Instead, he directs the conversation toward his problems, an unrelated story about his life, or what he wants to do for the weekend.

3. He’s Self-Obsessed

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Someone who never listens to others is one example of someone who’s self-obsessed. However, there are many signs that someone is self-obsessed and likely won’t make a great partner, friend, or colleague. He spends all his time talking about himself; his problems, needs, and current events from his life, without making time to hear about his partner.

4. He’s Narcissistic

Young Couple Arguing and Fighting. Domestic Violence and Emotional abuse Scene, Stressed Woman and aggressive Man Screaming at Each other in the Dark Hallway of Apartment. Dramatic Scene
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This is a common label to trait but it’s a clear sign that someone isn’t a great person or partner because they’ll cause severe mental and emotional turmoil, if not trauma. Sadly, narcissism is a mental disorder so there’s little to no hope without professional support or resources.

5. He Speaks Poorly of Others

Conflict, quarrel. Man and woman, couple, family sitting on the couch with their backs to each other with phones, do not talk to each other, do not pay attention, busy with phones
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Partners must have open communication to maintain a happy and healthy relationship. However, a partner will probably speak to others about you and your problems if they often talk about others behind their backs. Note how they speak about others in their absence, as the same will likely be true of how they speak about you.

6. Deflects Responsibility

Misunderstanding between partners in relationship. Breakup, abuse between spouses. Girlfriend and boyfriend arguing, having marriage divorce, scandal, cheating isolated in white background
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Another sign that your partner may not be a great person, is how they handle being “criticized.” A healthy and loving relationship requires both parties to be vulnerable and hear how they make the other person feel. However, making excuses, changing the subject, or pointing out what you do to upset them, rather than being receptive to finding a solution are red flags.

7. He Tries too Hard

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Most people want a partner who will put work into a happy and thriving relationship. While that’s essential to a relationship, certain instances are clear overcompensations. For example, many serial killers have had prominent positions in society; tools, and behaviors to prevent suspicion and mask their underlying mistakes.

8. He’s Always Happy

Caucasian young couple sit on bed with painful after fight argument. New marriage man and woman crying and feel heartbroken for their quarrel conflict in bedroom. Family problem-separation concept.
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An upbeat perspective or personality is a sure way to make it through challenges as smoothly as possible but it’s impossible to always be happy. Sadness, anger, frustration, or stress are common feelings that almost everyone regularly faces. Therefore, if your partner is always happy or upbeat, they may hide their honest feelings, which will inevitably boil up and catch you by surprise, if not add to your confusion or cause insecurities.

9. He Talks About How Great He Is

Young couple having conflict and relationship difficulties
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A genuinely good person doesn’t do things for attention or praise from others. Instead, their actions are pure and genuine, allowing their goodness to shine. In contrast, someone who constantly tries to convince others they’re a good person probably doesn’t think others will like them or respond well to them so they point out all the good they do to boost their ego and status in others’ eyes.

10. His Sense of Humor is Harmful

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Your partner may secretly be a terrible person if they’re always laughing at the expense of others. They may make jokes that are offensive or disturbing. They’re amused by other people’s pain, embarrassment, or mistakes.

Read More: Can a Child Be a Sociopath? 5 Signs to Look Out For

11. He Never Stops Talking

Man and woman couple sitting on sofa consoling girlfriend at home
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Like a partner who doesn’t listen, or is self-obsessed, a person who never lets anyone else speak is terrible because they don’t listen to others, plus no one around them can get a moment’s peace.

12. You Don’t Know Much

Young woman trying to take selfie with her displeased boyfriend in outdoor cafe. Boring date
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Your partner may be a terrible person, or at the very least untrustworthy, if you don’t know much about them other than superficial details. For example, you know how he likes his steak, where he buys his clothes, or what kind of shampoo he uses but nothing about his childhood, family, or difficulties in his life.

13. He Refuses to Acknowledge a Lie

Misunderstanding. Angry worried young spouses quarreling arguing at home, annoyed nervous millennial wife shouting screaming on frustrated husband accusing in cheat threatening with breakup divorce
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Many people believe that white lies are harmless, and in some cases, this is true. However, a partner who never confesses to telling any lie, talks in circles to confuse you, or changes the subject when you address something isn’t going to treat you the way you probably want to be treated.

14. Hot and Cold

African american unhappy couple sitting on couch after quarrel fight thinking of break up or divorce, black upset man and woman not talking having conflict, bad relationships concept, close up view
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A healthy relationship isn’t immune from facing challenges, rather it becomes stronger through those challenges. Meanwhile, a toxic relationship leaves open-ended questions unanswered. For instance, What are we? Where is this relationship going? Do we want the same things? These questions may be avoided or they may go back and forth about what they want or how often they engage with you.

15. Things Don’t Add Up

Young family couple having argue at home husbandman worlking and the woman holds the child and complains to him
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You may have a terrible partner if they tell you things that don’t make sense. For example, you ask them a question about a lunch meeting you thought they had scheduled but instead, they had lunch on the other side of town. Then you ask who they had lunch with, and they instantly backtrack, recognizing their error.

16. They Treat Service Workers Poorly

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Anyone who treats people in the service industry poorly won’t make a great partner because they may feel differently about you one day and treat you as equally as poorly. Plus, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t have a kind heart and appreciation for those who provide a service?

17. They Won’t Celebrate Others

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Another sign you have a terrible partner is one’s inability to celebrate the wins and successes of others. Instead, they’re focused on how they missed out or were more deserving of the opportunity.

18. They’re Never in the Wrong

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Not only will a partner who’s never in the wrong take zero responsibility for their actions or the pain they caused, but they’ll never be willing to admit when they were wrong. Instead, they’ll gaslight you into believing you’re wrong or misremembering the event.

19. There’s Always a Motive

Asian young girl feel angry boyfriend having conflict domestic problem. New marriage man and woman feel heartbroken for quarrel conflict while sit on bed in bedroom. Family problem-separation concept.
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Another sign of a bad partner is when the relationship is one-sided. For example, unless it benefits them, they never help, encourage, or show up for you. Conversely, they’ll expect you to be there for, help, or support them.

20. They Brag About Breaking Rules

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Lastly, a partner who probably isn’t going to be around long term, at least not in a healthy, happy, or functional relationship, is someone who brags about how much they get away with. They revel in getting special treatment from others and use their power to ensure they always get what they want. Even if it causes problems for others.

The easiest way to ensure you’re treated well, and with the correct person is to know your worth. Settle for nothing less, and treat your partner how you want to be treated. Lastly, if yuo’re not being treated with unconditional love and respect, it may be time to consider a

Read More: 10 Signs You’ve Found Your Forever Person

Sources

  1. 11 Signs He’s Secretly A Terrible Person.ReRules. March 8, 2017.
  2. 17 subtle signs that someone is a bad person.” Idea Pod. Alexandra Plesa. August 18, 2023
  3. 11 Signs He’s A Secret Scumbag (And You Need To Dump Him)YourTango. Ossiana Tepfenhart May 01, 2023