Relationships are as diverse and unique as the people in the world. When two or more people enter a relationship, they tend to bring with them all of their previous hopes, hurts, and baggage, which can poison the relationship before it even starts.
It’s common to hear that “no man is an island,” but upon deeper consideration, this phrase accurately reflects human nature. People are naturally predisposed to yearn for companionship with others around them. No matter how much of a loner or introvert we may be, there comes a time when we need to be in the company of others.
Oftentimes, we go into a relationship hoping to make it work and trying our best to be there for our significant other. However, no matter how much we try to be good, we end up introducing our own insecurities, fears, and doubts into the relationship. We become our own greatest enemies.
Therefore, many fun and loving relationships that seem to start strong end up dissolving into nothing but ash and legal fees. For those stuck in this rut, here are five behaviors that may hinder you from building lasting relationships: 
1. You have previous experiences or trauma
There is no greater weight we saddle ourselves with than focusing on events and happenings of the past, both positive and negative. Past failures may make us afraid to try again, while past successes can make us become lazy or complacent if we continue to focus on them.
Most commonly, unresolved childhood trauma can prevent us from creating lasting healthy relationships. Therapy and self-help groups can work wonders for alleviating painful past memories and moving forward.
2. You set high standards
We all have a list of values we’d love to see in our significant other, and we establish these criteria based on our core values. However, our unwillingness to compromise and our tendency to analyze our partner’s every word or move for a sign that they contravene our ideals is an excellent way to sabotage a relationship before it even begins.
No one is perfect and we all have our defects that set us apart from everybody else. So, expecting someone to meet our unrealistic expectations is only a recipe for disaster. It may be that we are trying to find in others what is missing within ourselves.
3. You lack confidence
Confidence is an attractive trait to find in a partner, and low self-esteem can cause us to make bad decisions. Feeling that we’re not worthy of the best may make us pursue someone who is terrible for us, because we feel unworthy of someone better.
4. You are a pessimist
It’s impossible to forget previous disappointments and heartbreaks, and this makes us skeptical about creating any new connections. Even when we are in a new relationship, the residual sting of an old one can hold us hostage, making us jeopardize our new chance at love.
Frequently, we may find ourselves making excuses why the relationship isn’t working, looking for faults where there isn’t any, and worrying we will lose the connection. This makes us sabotage the relationship without even trying.
5. You fear you may find the right person
We are afraid of finding the right person because we worry we may not be enough for them. We fear that they may find us lacking, and they’ll leave when we need them most. This feeling can lead to self-doubt and prevents us from finding true happiness.
Know that you are more than enough for anyone, and love wins through any hardship.
- “15 Signs of a Toxic Relationship.” Hey Sigmund.