If you were bullied in school, you will remember how horrible that experience was. Those memories tend to stick with you forever. You will also then understand the feeling of bumping into your old high school bullies as an adult. Likely, you have an involuntary reaction where you feel uneasy around them and you still have feelings of contempt toward them. This woman’s brother’s wife is her former high school bully, and she asked Reddit their opinion on whether or not she should befriend this woman. (1)
Woman’s Brother’s Wife Is Her Highschool Bully And He Wants Them To Be Friends
At the beginning of her post, the woman described her brother’s wife as the mean girl from high school. Her family was apparently quite wealthy and she treated everyone poorly. Her mother had the same reputation.
“She made junior and senior year of high school a nightmare for me and most of my friends with her attitude (not helped by teachers letting her get away with it).” she wrote.
Thankfully, after high school, they parted ways and didn’t see one another for many years. That is until her brother bumped into the bully at a coffee shop one day. The pair hit it off and not long after, she was his girlfriend. The relationship progressed and they got married.
“It was also awkward. I don’t like her. She’s changed some but she still has a streak of it in her. Better than she was.”
No Friends Of Her Own
Not surprisingly, her brother’s wife doesn’t really have any friends. She has her family who she spends quite a bit of time with, but that’s all. Her brother noticed this and asked her if she would include his wife in her friend group. Unfortunately for him, his sister’s friends said absolutely not.
“none of my friends are on board and honestly, neither am I. So I told him no. There was fallout from this.”
Her brother got very upset and now the formerly close pair haven’t had a great relationship since. He thinks it is cruel and childish for her not to try over something that happened when they were teenagers, especially when she has no friends of her own. For her and her friends, however, that damage and trauma go deep.
“I told him not everyone wants to be friends with the mean girl who made life hell at any point in their life. That sometimes civil is the best you can muster and that I have always been that.”
The brother says that they can’t repair their relationship until she makes an effort to befriend and include his wife. Their parents are understandably heartbroken over the whole thing. She posted to the popular Reddit forum Am I The Asshole to get other people’s opinions.
The forum users voted that she is not the AH and that her brother is the one in the wrong in this situation. Many of the users were bullied themselves in school and understand the long-lasting impact that has on a person. The first thing that many of them pointed out was that there is a reason her brother’s wife has no friends. People don’t want to hang out with jerks, and that is the reputation that she has.
“There is a reason she has no friends. Your brother married the school bully and wonders why no one wants her around. She is your SIL now and you’ll have to include her in family events, but with your friends – no.” wrote one commenter.
Other’s pointed out that if she had really changed, she should have been able to make friends as an adult. This indicates that likely she hasn’t actually changed that much at all.
“there is a reason she doesn’t have friends.. she must not have changed that much after all.” said one user.
“If she’d really changed, she wouldn’t need her husband to force people to be her friend, and at least have tried to apologize and make amends when your brother and her got serious.” said another.
Why Isn’t It The Brother’s Wife’s Job To Apologize?
Many more people pointed out that, as the bully, it should be the brother’s wife’s job to take the first steps to make amends. She should be apologizing for how she behaved back then, not just to the sister but to her friends, too. Becoming an adult isn’t a free pass into not having to take ownership over the mistakes you made when you were younger.
“Has your brother told his wife to try? To apologize? Why is it the bullied ones are supposed to try harder than the bully?” said one commenter.
Does She Even Want To Be Friends?
Others questioned whether or not her brother had actually asked his wife if this was something she wanted. Maybe one reason she hasn’t apologized is that she genuinely doesn’t care or want to. On the other hand, perhaps she doesn’t realize or remember how hurtful she was back then. At any rate, the brother should not be dumping this responsibility on his sister.
“Did your brother even ask her if she wanted him to set up friend dates for her?(strange btw, they are adults why can’t she make her own friends?) And if she knows she was an mean girl back in the day why hasn’t she apologized and made an effort to repair the damages?”
An Unfair Request
A large number of responses pointed out how unfair of a request this was from her brother. His sister has already done enough by being civil toward his wife at family events and not making a big scene over anything. She, under no circumstances, has to bring her into her friend group just because she is now her brother’s wife.
“While it’s reasonable that he wants you and her to be civil at family events, he has absolutely no right to demand that you be friends, let alone demand your friends get on board.” one user commented.
“your brother has zero right to ask you that.. zero reason to be upset because you don’t want to.” said another.
What do you think? Who is in the wrong here? What would you do in this situation?
- “AITA for not including my brothers wife with my friend group?” Reddit