woman wearing a red dress holding a bouquet of flowers
Jade Small
Jade Small
April 7, 2024 ·  5 min read

My fiance wants me to wear red to our wedding because I’m not a virgin

Ahh the joys of wedding days. The flowers, the food, the champagne, and the bride’s beautiful white dress. Of course, not all women wear a white dress, as the modern day has seen a large shift in the bride’s color choices. This could be for a number of reasons. But what if your husband wants you to wear a red dress purely based on the fact that you’re impure? This seems to be an outdated mindset, but it’s exactly what one bride recently went through. She took to Reddit to get the opinions of others. Should she be made to wear red on her wedding day, just because she’s not a virgin?

Husband wants her to wear red because she’s not a virgin

For the last six years, a soon-to-be-bride, who wishes to remain anonymous, has been engaged to the love of her life. Although, recently, she started to question this, as he started showing behaviors and opinions relating to her virginity. He wants her to wear a red dress on their wedding day instead of the typical white. His reasoning is that she is not a virgin anymore. So, our anonymous Reddit poster wants to know of she is being unreasonable. Additionally, she wants to know if she is making the right choice by marrying the guy.

He wants her to wear red on their wedding day because she's not a virgin
Image credit: Pexels

Her post started with a bit of background information. “I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years and engaged for the past 8 months. I’ve been doing most of the wedding planning but my fiancé, let’s just call him Ryan, will give his input here and there,” she wrote. “So about a month ago Ryan out of nowhere said he was talking to some of his coworkers and thinks that I shouldn’t wear a white dress. This was totally weird to me.

He threw a fit over her white dress

The Reddit poster thought it was for an artistic point of view. “This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy, so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines, but I’m set on wearing white. I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed but he let it go.

However, after she bought her white wedding dress and told Ryan what color it was, he was angry. In fact, he threw a rage, according to her post. “He asked me to at least tell him what color it was, and when I said white, he threw a fit,” she wrote. “I honestly do not see why this was a big deal, almost everyone wears white on their wedding day.”

HE thinks wearing white would mislead the guests into thinking she's a virgin
Image credit: Pexels

Next, she wrote, “When I asked him what color he thought I’d be wearing, he told me I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him why I would wear red to our wedding, and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure.” She added that she had lost her virginity to her first boyfriend of four years in high school. This was before she met her now fiance. “Ryan and I started dating when I was 21 and he just turned 20. He was a virgin when we met, and I only had one other person who was my ex-boyfriend of four years throughout high school.”

Ryan is not a virgin either

In a desperate moment to make sense of the situation, the Reddit poster contacted her fiance’s mother. Luckily, she was also on her side. All three of them ended up having an argument over the color of her wedding dress. Her almost mother-in-law pointed out that Ryan is no longer a virgin either. But, apparently, he thinks it’s different for men. “So 2 nights ago, Ryan, his mom, and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress,” she wrote. “His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying. Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys.”

Sadly, the anonymous bride is now full of doubts about her would-be marriage to Ryan. She asked the forum whether or not they thought she should still go through with it. This all has honestly made me question even marrying this man. I don’t know if it’s just because everything is so fresh but I’m really disgusted by him. He’s not even religious so I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him. I just needed to rant to anyone about [how] psycho this is..”

Reddit User opinions

There was a unanimous opinion to read in the comments. Everyone said she should not marry Ryan. One user wrote in the comments: “I love how all this time they’ve been having sex too and now all of a sudden she has to wear red? What about him? If hes fucking her he also lost his virginity before getting married so shouldn’t he wear red as well? What kind of idiots is he talking to that would enforce their to-be wife to wear red to signify she’s not a virgin? Girl, run. Good eye opener for you on how the future with this guy will be. Just run and never lock back and cancel the wedding.”

She's not a virgin, but neither is he
Image credit: Pexels

Another said: “This is a GIANT red flag. This problem is going to come up again and again. And something is festering deep in his mind. I would try to resolve this problem before you go any further.”

A third commenter agreed. They wrote: “Keep the mom, chuck the man. Why is it the guests’ business if she’s a virgin? Are they part of some weird fundamentalist cult where the guests will all gather round to watch them consummate the union and hang the blood stained sheet like a flag? Is this the 1500s?”

Keep Reading: Mom Tells Her 11 Y.O. Daughter That She’s “Too Old” To Cuddle, the Girl Stops Talking to Her Unless Asked


  1. My Husband to be wants everyone to know I’m not “pure”REDDIT. u/CatOwnerVictim. October 2022
  2. My fiancé wants me to wear a red dress to our wedding because I’m not a virgin – I’ve already picked a traditional white gown but he says it’ll ‘deceive’ our guests.” Daily Mail. Lydia Hawken. February 17, 2023.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.