When Cortney Warren’s mother, Karen Warren, was diagnosed with a terminal illness in 2016, she decided to approach death with a unique mindset. Instead of fearing the inevitable, Karen viewed her diagnosis as an opportunity—a gift that allowed her to live her final years with purpose and clarity. Cortney, a clinical psychologist, reflected on the powerful lessons her mother imparted before she passed away in 2020 from multiple system atrophy, a neurodegenerative illness. Here are the five life lessons Karen taught her daughter, lessons that can inspire us all to live more authentically and meaningfully.
1. Make Sure You Have No Regrets
One of the most profound lessons Karen taught was to live a life free of regrets. After her terminal diagnosis, Karen realized how important it was to resolve any unfinished business. Cortney shared how her mother encouraged her to have difficult conversations and address unresolved issues to ensure there was nothing left unsaid. “We talked out some of our issues when we knew her illness was terminal, so when she passed, there were no regrets,” Cortney explained to Business Insider.
Karen also made a bucket list, which included spending time with loved ones and traveling with her daughter. She made sure to focus on the relationships and experiences that truly mattered. This reflection aligns with studies showing that common bucket list items often revolve around spending quality time with family, traveling, and achieving personal goals.
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2. Spend as Much Time With Loved Ones as You Can
As Karen’s health declined, it became clear to both her and Cortney that relationships were the most important aspect of life. “Nothing else really mattered—it was all about the memories and experiences with loved ones,” Cortney shared. Karen made it a priority to spend time with her family, traveling with Cortney and ensuring they saw each other regularly, despite living in different states.
One way Karen extended her love beyond her passing was by leaving behind letters, videos, and messages for family, friends, and colleagues. These heartfelt gestures allowed her to express her gratitude and leave a lasting legacy for those she cared about, paving the way for one of life’s most important lessons.
3. Live in the Present
Karen admitted that one of her greatest life lessons is having regrets on dwelling too much on the past. She often reflected on how allowing past experiences to cloud her present limited her ability to fully enjoy life. As Cortney described, “Letting the past be done is something she wished she could have done so that it didn’t affect how much she enjoyed her life in the present”.
This is a common realization for many people as they approach the end of their lives. Living in the present and letting go of past regrets is essential to fully embracing the beauty of life’s fleeting moments. Karen’s advice to her daughter—and all of us—is to focus on the here and now, and not let past mistakes or experiences dictate our future.
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4. Don’t Worry About What People Think of You
Throughout her illness, Karen found freedom in letting go of other people’s opinions. “We think that the way we look, the way we dress, how much money we make, and what people think of us reflects our value. But at the end of your life, you don’t care about those things,” Cortney explained. Karen’s terminal diagnosis helped her see that external judgments were irrelevant in the grand scheme of life.
Instead of being consumed by what others think, Karen taught Cortney to live authentically. She encouraged her to engage in conversations with others without taking their opinions personally. And when faced with negativity or cruelty, Karen’s advice was simple: walk away. This mindset aligns with research on the world’s longest-living people, who often share the characteristic of not worrying about things outside of their control. If you’re looking for a powerful life lesson, look no further than simply not worrying about what others think.
5. Take Control of Your Own Life
Karen’s final lesson to her daughter was one of empowerment: take control of your life and live authentically. She urged Cortney to let go of relationships, careers, or habits that didn’t bring happiness or fulfillment. “When you realize you’re not living your life in the most authentic, fulfilling way possible, it’s time for you to change your reality,” Karen advised.
This lesson is echoed by researchers who have found that taking control of one’s life is a key trait among people who age well and find lasting happiness. Karen’s wisdom reminds us all that we have the power to shape our lives according to our values and desires. Whether it’s leaving a job that no longer satisfies us or distancing ourselves from toxic relationships, we have the agency to make changes that bring us peace and fulfillment.
Conclusion
Karen Warren’s journey with terminal illness was not only a personal battle but also a source of deep wisdom that she passed on to her daughter. Her lessons—living without regrets, prioritizing loved ones, being present, ignoring judgment, and taking control of life—serve as powerful reminders for us all. As Cortney shared, accepting our mortality can be a gift, motivating us to live more intentionally and meaningfully.