Becoming a parent is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things a person can do. While some women can conceive on their first try, or even without trying, others may try unsuccessfully for years. The process leaves parents emotionally drained and sometimes even heartbroken. Luckily, thanks to modern medicine, parents now have other options. Some options include adoption, IVF, or through a surrogate.
Inspired to Become a Surrogate
Ashley Greene from Iowa has been a surrogate for three families and found it to be an incredibly rewarding experience. Her journey began in 2012 when she was pregnant with her second child. After learning that a friend of hers was already pregnant as a surrogate, she was intrigued and became open to the idea.
When her 3rd and youngest child turned 4, she and her husband, Chris, decided they were done having children. However, her pregnancies had all gone so smoothly it only made sense for her to apply to be a surrogate. She says, “If my pregnancies are going well, and if I don’t have any issues, why wouldn’t I give the gift of life to someone else?” “I still felt big and huge and uncomfortable, but the experience was different for me mentally knowing that I don’t keep the baby in the end.” Concluding, “There was a sense of relief knowing that the parents would love this baby.”
Apprehension Fades Away
Greene shared the idea of becoming a surrogate with Chris; at first, he was apprehensive. He didn’t know how the whole process would work and had some questions. However, after addressing his concerns and seeing the perspective of parents’ happiness and gratitude, he was on board. Fully supporting his wife’s decision to become a surrogate, he’s stayed by her side through 3 other pregnancies, including one that resulted in twins.
Greene disclosed, “It’s almost like a switch that flips. It’s not my baby, and I’m just here for long-term babysitting.” “My intended parents contain four gay dads and a hetero couple, and I love seeing the joy they feel when I hand them their baby. Chris saw the value in that, too.” She further explained.
Establishing Family Dynamics
“As a surrogate, you want to help people create, build, or complete their families. How do I know who to pick?” she said. So, how does Greene decide who her perspective parents might be? She explained that one of her most important deciding factors is the type of relationship the family will want after the baby is born.
She expects that everything will be written out in a contract so that there’s no confusion about everyone’s roles when the baby comes. While she prefers to have some type of relationship with the families, she’s willing to consider being a surrogate for parents who may not want to remain in contact. In fact, she’s delivered babies for both types of families. Her most recent delivery was with a family who didn’t want to remain in contact post-delivery. In contrast, one family still sends her pictures and updates.
After choosing the first family and becoming pregnant, she and Chris faced another big challenge. They would have to address the surrogate pregnancies for their own three children. Explaining that the babies weren’t their biological siblings. Everyone has adjusted to the unusual circumstances fairly well, and Greene plans to continue being a surrogate for as long as possible.
Lucrative Good Deeds
In addition to helping a family make their dreams come true, Greene’s bank account also benefits from being a surrogate. On average, a surrogate makes anywhere from around $40,000-$60,000 per pregnancy, depending on various factors such as medical clearance fees or travel costs.
Weighing Options for a Surrogate
Currently, there are around 400,000 children in foster care or waiting to be adopted. Considering that, many may weigh which option is best for their family. Of course, both have their pros and cons but becoming a parent can be a long and difficult journey. Therefore, making the decision that feels right to you and your family is most important.
Hiring a Surrogate Vs. Adopting
One listed pro, which may not matter to some parents, is a surrogate ensures you’ll be biologically related to your child. Adoption means the opposite, also making the child’s family medical history a mystery.
Although both routes are costly, time-consuming, and require jumping through many hoops, adoption is cheaper. A surrogate can ask prospective parents for things that aren’t expected in adoption, such as the birth mother’s medical coverage or help with living expenses during the pregnancy.
Choosing a surrogate means there’s a more in-depth screening process than adoption. Both surrogate and prospective parents are evaluated and matched based on similarly aligned goals, etc. Whereas adoption sometimes comes out of necessity.
Lastly, and probably the biggest difference between adoption and hiring a surrogate, is that in cases of adoption, birth mothers give up all legal rights to the child. However, a surrogate and the family have the time and option to choose whether or not they will remain in contact after the baby has been born.
Being a surrogate is the ultimate sacrifice because pregnancy is an emotional, painful, and sometimes even dangerous process. However, it’s also one of the most loving and joyful things one can do for another. If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, according to the ASRM’S Guidelines, there’s a long list of qualifications. Some include but are not limited to being done having your own children, being aged 21-42, and being both healthy and financially stable.
Bring Joy to Others
Becoming a parent is an emotional process, even during the easiest of pregnancies. There’s a loss of identity, privacy, and sleep. On the other hand, you’re now responsible for a tiny person with whom you can shower in love and wisdom. Basically, a built-in best friend! Becoming a professional surrogate can help heal broken hearts and bless a family with a wonderful new baby; they can raise and love unconditionally.
Keep Reading: Utah Woman Carrying Son’s Baby After Offering to Be Surrogate