Let’s face it: Most music isn’t made with children in mind. Artists express themselves, their ideas, and their stories in however manner they wish. Unfortunately, much of the time this isn’t very family-friendly. Kids will hear these explicit lyrics and often ask their parents what these words mean. The question is, how do you explain lyrics like Cardi B’s WAP to children? This is what the experts say. (1)
How To Explain WAP and Other Explicit Lyrics To Children
When Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s song WAP first hit the charts, it skyrocketed to popularity quite quickly. Many women found it empowered them to be comfortable with their bodies and discuss their own needs. Essentially, it was a step towards overcoming the stigma that surrounds female pleasure.
Unfortunately, you can’t really prevent younger ears from hearing these songs, too. WAP (which stands for “wet ass p***y”) is not exactly kid-friendly. So what do you do when your kids spring the “mom/dad, what does “WAP” mean?” question on you? Understandably, this is hard to answer. Many parents may try to avoid it, tell them it stands for something more PG but that is not true, or go with the old “I’ll tell you when you’re older” line. Though maybe more comfortable for the parents, these evasive techniques are not the best idea.
Using Explicit Lyrics For Good
Most parents do try their best to prevent their children from listening to overly sexual songs and ones with explicit lyrics for as long as they can. Unfortunately, it is impossible to prevent it forever. Whether on the radio, television, at school, or on the internet, they will end up hearing them. Rather than shying away from talking to your kids about these kinds of songs and lyrics, you can use them as teaching moments. That’s right, believe it or not, trying to explain WAP to your children can actually be a springboard into a lesson in sexual education.
1. Give Them A Safe Space
Whether they ask you directly or you just overhear them singing the questionable lyrics, control your reaction. Don’t laugh, don’t get angry, and do your best to avoid gasping and yelling “Where did you hear that?!”. The goal is to create a space where they know they can come to you with questions about sex and the human body without fear of judgment. Stay as neutral as possible.
2. Ask Them What They Already Know
A good way to start is to ask them what they already know about the lyrics they heard or are singing. This is especially important if you overhear them singing the song rather than them directly asking you. Again, stay as neutral as possible while you listen to what they have to say. Their answer can help you direct where the conversation and explanation will go next.
3. Informal Words For Body Parts
Often, part of the confusion is that children don’t yet know all the various terms that pop culture has created for the human body, especially the sex organs. The first step here is to explain that to them. Let them know that people often use other words when they are talking about these body parts and tell them the actual anatomical name of that body part. Also, now is a good time to inform them of what situations they shouldn’t use that term in. For example, they need to know that they shouldn’t go to the doctor and say “Doctor, my p***y hurts”.
4. Tailor Your Message But Don’t Lie
It’s natural for most parents to want to tell their kids things like WAP mean something different than their true meaning. As already stated, this doesn’t actually serve your kids. They will find out eventually, anyway. You should, however, tailor your message depending on the age of the child.
“Younger children typically aren’t ready to discuss details about sexual content in songs. There is no need to explain to your 5-year-old son or daughter the cultural and physiological complexities of a “WAP.” Older children and adolescents may be more equipped to engage in more in-depth conversations.” says Erin Harper, nationally certified school psychologist, assistant professor of psychology, and special education at Texas A&M-Commerce.
For example, in terms of the song WAP, certified therapist Ashley Sivells says you can tell a young child that it is a song about women feeling strong and happy. Harper adds that everyone expresses this in their own way. Harper suggests this response:
“It’s a song about women feeling strong and happy. People express their feelings in different ways. They’re adults and choose to express their strength and happiness in that song. As a young person, you can express your feelings in ways that are important to you. How are you feeling today?”
Talking To Your Kids About Sex
This can be a very uncomfortable experience for many parents, especially as their kids get older. Here are a few do’s and don’ts when talking to your kids about sex. (2)
Do
- Talk about sex early and often. When they’re young this just means teaching them about their bodies. As they get older, that changes. Again, using sexual movie scenes or song lyrics is a great spring-board into these conversations. If you don’t teach them, someone else will, and that lesson might not be a good one.
- Find out what they are actually asking. A young child might have heard a teacher at school say “line up by sex, please”. Not knowing what that word means, they may simply ask you what “sex” means. Before jumping into an explanation, make sure you clarify and find out what prompted the question. This will help guide your response.
- Tell the truth. You don’t want to push any myths (for example, that babies come from storks in the sky) and further. Again, tailor your response to the child, but tell them the truth using simple language they will understand.
- Empower your kids. Part of sexual education is talking about relationships and what they should expect from a romantic partner. These are things like respect, kindness, and a relationship that builds them up and makes them feel happy.
- Positive expectations. Naturally, when your child is older, teach them that they deserve to have positive sexual experiences when they are ready for them.
- Teach consent. Teach both your boys and you girls about consent. Everyone needs to know they have the right to say no at any point. They also need to be taught that when someone says no – no matter what, no matter when, and no matter at what point in the sexual interaction – that they need to respect their wishes. No pleading (c’mon, it was fun last time!) or pushing the person. One no is sufficient, no questions asked.
Don’t
- Avoid talking about sex with your kids. As I said earlier, if you don’t, someone else will. Your children will grow up and they will begin having sex, like it or not. Do you want their first sex education to be their first sexual experience? Remember, this isn’t just when they have sex for the first time. This is the first time someone does or says something to them that in any way can imply sex. Especially for girls, this is often at a shockingly young age. Teach them about bodily autonomy, consent, and sex early so they know how to handle these situations and when something is wrong.
- Have conversations where you say “don’t” a lot. Telling your kids “don’t have sex” and “don’t get pregnant/a disease” doesn’t help and does not educate. Again, consent and positive experiences are the way to go. Also, flip the conversation from negative to positive. For example, instead of saying “Don’t have sex without protection”, say “Always use a condom to protect yourself from xyz”.
- Avoid talking about feelings. Regardless of your opinions, teens do feel love. They may not have the same experience as you, but to them, it is love. Don’t discredit those and make sure you have discussions around love and sex.
Remember, you can empower your children to have healthy, safe, and positive sexual experiences. Use moments like explicit songs to teach these lessons.
Sources
- “What to Say if a Kid Asks You What ‘WAP’ Means.” VICE. Rahel Miller. August 13, 2020.
- “Talking to Your Child About Sex.” Healthy Children