Grandparents are an incredible gift not every child gets to have. Whether there’s one or four, grandparents can offer unconditional love and acceptance that parents often can’t. They can be their grandkids’ mentors, teachers, shoulders to cry on, playmates, and best friends. Although each family situation and relationship are different, research shows that maternal grandparents tend to be closer to the children than paternal, for several reasons. Additionally, a new study indicates that maternal grandmothers can significantly help the kids going through difficult situations compared to other grandparents.
What is the matrilineal advantage?
The basis of matrilineal advantage is that daughters tend to be closer to their own parents than their in-laws. This leads to maternal grandparents spending more time with kids than the paternal, especially since women tend to be closer to their parents than men are to theirs. “Women are more active in maintaining those relationships,” said Jan Mutchler, a sociologist and gerontologist at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, to the New York Times. “When you have mothers and daughters, then you have two women working on it.” This often comes in the form of more frequent phone contact, support, and advice.
“Gatekeeping” the grandkids
Whether they work or stay at home, mothers tend to be in charge of family plans, including phone calls, playdates, sharing news, and family gatherings. At the same time, they can cancel and restrict certain activities. And if they don’t get along with their in-laws, they can “gatekeep” the grandkids. For some people, their relationship with their grandchildren begins long before they are born by cultivating a loving connection with the daughter-in-law. If she feels uncomfortable, disrespected, or like she’s “walking on eggshells” around them, she’s more likely to limit their visits for her own peace of mind.
Why maternal grandparents see the children more often
Since women are more likely to feel comfortable around their own mothers, they are more likely to allow them in scenarios they would generally exclude people. For instance, they’ll be comfortable having them visit when their house is a mess or when they are in a hospital bed after giving birth. These scenarios don’t necessarily reflect badly on her connection with her in-laws; it’s just a matter of personal comfort and boundaries, which can inadvertently lead to the paternal grandparents seeing their grandkids less often.
There are many, many exceptions
Keep in mind, this research reflects commonalities but not hard rules. Some in-laws are close with their daughters-in-law and see their kids frequently. On the flipside, some women have distant relationships with their own mothers, who therefore see the children less often. Everyone knows anecdotes about all sorts of familial situations, and there are always more factors involved aside from paternity or maternity.
The power of the maternal grandmother
With that being said, a new study has found how specifically maternal grandmothers can benefit their grandkids’ development. The research was published in Scientific Reports and it indicates that maternal grandmas can greatly reduce emotional and behavioural issues in children who endured multiple difficulties in their early life. The study highlights how this crucial relationship can mitigate the effects of stressful experiences on a young person’s mental health.
Read More: The Benefits Of Kids Living Close To Their Grandparents
How grandparents affect the kids’ wellbeing
The study used data from the Involved Grandparenting and Child Well-Being survey from 2007. The researchers analyzed how paternal and maternal grandparents contribute to their grandchild’s wellbeing. They wanted to investigate prior studies that state that maternal grannies invest more in the kids, particularly in the context of childhood adversities, such as the death of loved ones, financial hardships, relatives with substance abuse or serious illnesses, crime victimization, as well as parental separation and incarceration. The survey involved over 1500 adolescents’ questionnaires that allowed experts to assess their level of emotional and behavioural issues. It also assessed the amount of grandparental investment in their lives in the form of visits, activities, dependability, and financial help.
Mitigating childhood adversities
The results showed that only the investment of maternal grandmothers significantly mitigated the negative effects of adversity on the participants’ emotional and behavioural issues. Meaning, the more maternal grandma support the child had, the fewer consequences on their mental health. “Our analysis was able to show that grandchildren who experience early stress, be that from strained relationships between the parents, or drug or alcohol use within the family, it increased their risk of poor social and emotional adjustment,” said study author David Coall of Edith Cowan University to PsyPost.
Grandmothers and their investment
Coall continued, saying, “The more investment from a maternal grandmother was present, the impact of early stress on adolescent dysfunction became smaller and smaller, but it did not disappear entirely. There is no level of investment that would entirely negate the effects of adverse early life experiences, but investments by maternal grandmothers more than halved the negative effects of adverse early life experiences on children’s emotional and behavioral problems.”
The study’s limitations
Moreover, the study found that there was no significant amount of mitigation from adversity from close bonds with paternal grandparents or maternal grandfathers. Bear in mind, the research has limitations. For instance, it was based on self-reported data that could involve biases. Additionally, it couldn’t account for all of the other factors that affect grandparental investment and the mental health of the participants. Also, it only involved people from contemporary affluent societies in England and Wales, so it cannot accurately reflect different cultures and economic situations, which can significantly change these dynamics. And finally, it didn’t involve any longitudinal research, and the authors call for further studies to understand the long-term effects of grandparental investment.
All grandparents are beloved
All of this to say, this study shouldn’t diminish the value of any grandparent in a child’s life, whether they are paternal, maternal, adoptive, or “may as well be” adoptive. This is especially in the case of childhood adversity, whatever it may be. “Grandparents are a security blanket,” says author and social psychologist Susan Newman to U.S. News. “If there’s somebody they trust and know is always on their side, that’s a huge emotional plus for the child. They have somebody around who’s comforting; who hugs them and sits with them and reads with them.” It’s a treasured relationship for anyone fortunate enough to have it.
Read More: 13 Household Chores Your Grandparents Did That Would Never Want to Do Today