The basis of relationships is trust and the ability to compromise. But, in the case of this pregnant wife, her husband is asking for far too much. So much so that the internet thinks she should give a serious thought about their current relationship, and it is difficult to not agree with that advice.
Redditor u/355356 came to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole with a very problematic situation. The husband had demanded a written apology from his wife for canceling the year’s Christmas gathering. But there was a good reason for the wife doing what she did: the gathering involved 26 people who would stay at their house for 5 days!
She begins her story by explaining that she is 32 years old and had been married to her 39-year-old husband for 4 years. The couple already has a child who is 2 years old, and she is pregnant with their second. The husband works night shifts 3 days a week, while the wife works full time. It is easy to see that she has a lot on her plate.
She explained that it was a tradition at her husband’s home to gather at their father’s for every Christmas. But the father had passed last year. So, this happened:
“This year my husband decided as the man of the family to host Christmas at our house. Unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day Christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. I found out about by accident and I was too shocked to react. I confronted him on it and he said I shouldn’t be surprised and just get used to it because after his father’s death he’s now the family’s “head” and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence.” – Reddit
Her reaction was completely natural. She explained that he knew she had other work to do and look after the kids. So he should have discussed the decision with her. As for the Christmas gathering, she asked him to cancel the invitations. But he was adamant. He argued that she should take some leaves and the occasion would have been managed. But this meant even more work for her in the future.
It Was Upto Her To Fix The Mess
So she took matters into her own hand which made the husband react even worse:
“I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who received an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting Christmas this year. He found out and went off on me calling my behavior outrageously appalling and said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority.” – Reddit
The wife explained once more that whether he was the household head or not did carry any special meaning for her. To that, the husband walked out while crying.
Finally, he demanded a written apology for her actions as well as stern words from her mother-in-law:
“He later talked about how I disrespected his father and him with what I said and demanded a handwritten apology for canceling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but I said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my MIL giving me a stern talk about how out of line I was for disrespecting my husband’s decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.” – Reddit
The wife also clarified later that she really would have had to do everything on her own:
“ETA to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while I handle everything and his family believe that as guests it’s rude to ask them to help.” – Reddit
An Overwhelming Win For The Wife
As far as reactions go, all the replies said that the wife was NTA (not the a**hole) for canceling the plans and not apologizing. There is no room for arguments.
One of the replies suggested that the husband knew very well that it would cause a problem. That’s why he did not tell her anything:
“He sent those invitations out without her knowledge for a reason. He knew she’d object. He wagered that having already sent the invitations out would bind her against her will into putting on a 5 day, 26 person extravaganza while working full time to support the family, taking care of a toddler, and being in the last trimester of pregnancy.” – AQualityKoalaTeacher
And the top-rated comment is an idea of what can be an apology:
“Dearest Husband. I am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that I am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration. I apologize for allowing an environment to exist that led you to believe that making such a big decision without discussing it with me and your resulting behaviour and callous disregard for your pregnant wife could exist. Rest assured that this will not continue. All the best and Happy Holidays. – Your wife, who is going to have a nap while you cook us all dinner. NTA” – amusingmistress
We completely agree with this. If the husband wants an apology, then this is the best one he can get! Let us know what you think of the situation in the comments!
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Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.