Most Women Have an ‘I Don’t List’ And It’s About Time They Shared Them

Although women began going to work years ago, they’ve become far more prominent in the workplace in the last couple of decades. Moreover, many have broken glass ceilings and have high-powered and prestigious careers. However, the pressure of balancing a full-time job with being a parent and having an impressive list of achievements like running marathons, volunteering, and ample extracurricular activities for the kids causes burnout. As a result, women are creating an “I don’t” list, clearing up their schedule for “me time,” and pursuing their professional and creative goals.

Women Share Their Lists

In 2019, a woman named Holly Wainwright was battling some health concerns and came to an important realization. Upon discovering a new and peaceful way to live, she shared the discovery with others. Holly reflected on everyday tasks, noting that things prevented her from elevating her life and being fulfilled, not as a mother or a wife but as a woman and an individual. Like every woman, she had passions and goals she wanted to pursue but couldn’t because she didn’t have the time. Instead, she was consumed by her career, household chores, and caring for the kids. Here are a few of her “I don’ts”.

• She doesn’t sit down and do homework with her older kids every night.
• She doesn’t always remind her daughter to practice the violin.
• She doesn’t make birthday cakes.
• She doesn’t iron.
• She doesn’t decorate or entertain.
• She doesn’t organize playdates.
• She doesn’t always shave or exercise.
• She doesn’t volunteer at school or know all the names of the kids and parents in their classes.

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Motivated to Create an “I Don’t” List

Holly notes that her main motivation for creating the “I Don’t” list pertains to her health. Moreover, her daily tasks often led her to feel burnt out and exhausted. She, like many modern women, did it all. Instead, she now spends her free time relaxing and soaking up simple moments with her kids, curled up together under a blanket on a chilly Saturday morning.

The biggest obstacle is the guilt of feeling like a failure for not accomplishing the mundane and everyday tasks or being an overachiever. Rather, Holly views it as a benefit to her family “making their little world sunnier.”

How to Make an I Don’t List

In 2020, Harvard Business Review (HBR) published an article entitled Make a “To-Don’t” List. The article explained that by eliminating all the mundane daily tasks, you’ll likely feel refreshed and revived, mainly if you’ve been in a rut or feeling stuck lately. Creating the “I don’t” list is easy and takes little time. First, make a list with two columns. The first should list your daily tasks, and the other should list your most significant accomplishments or proudest moments. Then, connect the daily tasks to accomplishments to which they relate. If there are daily tasks without a coupled moment of celebration, they should be on your “I don’t” list.

Total Commitment

Although HBR offers a great starting point, simply eliminating daily tasks may not be enough. Instead, keep going with your “I don’t” list and add tasks that are weekly (like taking out the trash). Then monthly or yearly, like elaborate birthday cakes and holiday dinners. Of course, it’s not possible to stop doing everything around the house. However, it’s okay to outsource tasks, so you have more free time to pursue your creative or professional goals. For instance, have the kids help with laundry and other household chores if they’re old enough. Additionally, ask your partner to do grocery store runs or other errands if they’re working less than you and have the free time.

Women Share What They Learned

Another woman shared that her “I don’t” list consisted of things that are deemed toxic, like “consuming news” and ” not moving for eight hours.” When she had finished creating her list, she was happy to find that everything was relatively simple. “Don’t forget to take a break to rest your eyes,” and “Don’t sit in one place for more than one hour.” She explained.

Although she struggled at first, she found that she felt “more aligned” as time went on. “I found that I felt less of the usual physical and mental signs of fatigue (i.e. more sustained alertness, less likely to turn to longer breaks).” She shared. “At first I was frustrated when adhering to these new rules temporarily disrupted my flow. However, over time, I noticed they truly paid off.”

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Time and Energy Drain

“I noticed when certain tasks were taken out of my routine, their value (or more so, lack of value) was more apparent. For instance, throughout the day, I usually regularly refresh my social media news feeds.” She added, explaining in detail what she learned from creating an “I don’t” list. “This practice keeps me up-to-date on the latest headlines, which can be useful for my job, but the process often means I waste time viewing many similar stories, all published by different outlets. The process was inadvertently draining my energy and taking too much of my time.”

Reasons to Make an “I don’t” List

• It’s empowering
• It’s insightful to see how you spend your time
• Eliminate “busy-work”
• Create more time to Create
• Focus on Professional Goals
• An “I don’t” list allows for bigger wins and more frequent accomplishments

Daily Exercise for the Brain

Coming up with something on the spot is difficult for many people. Fortunately, there is another way one can create an “I don’t” list. Start by reflecting on your day; take a couple of moments to take note of what did or didn’t get accomplished. Additionally, it’s advised to note things that weren’t part of your plan for the day. A few questions to ask that might offer insight include, “Was that worth it? Did I enjoy it? Did I feel frustrated or derailed?”  

“By keeping track of your own feelings about the choices you made, you can start to discover what is or isn’t healthy for you.” Explains Elizabeth Grace, a time management coach.

Interestingly, something similar is done in meditation as the person goes through a quick reel of their day, letting go of it. However, in this practice, you’re supposed to merely acknowledge the moment rather than reflect on how you feel. Either way, the practice is great for calming the mind and bringing you back to the center.

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