In some of my past relationships, when I think back, the line between boyfriend and husband privileges became blurred. I didn’t set boundaries for myself early on. So important things I shared with my partner were taken for granted. You can’t grow without clear rules about your living arrangements and financial responsibilities. Things can easily turn from a fairytale into a nightmare. If you’re serious about the future of your relationship, there are parts you should explore together in your own time. Megan Aaron wrote an article about not giving your boyfriend husband privileges. It really resonated with me, so I’ll touch on a few points and hopefully give you something to think about on your own. [1]
The Question of Intimacy
Depending on your beliefs, background, and most importantly, your experiences, we each approach intimacy differently. Some believe that sex before marriage can cloud your judgment in a relationship. Others, like myself, see intimacy as a sacred space for you and your partner to share affection. You will learn so much about your partner through this connection, developing trust in ways you won’t find anywhere else. Everyone is different though, not all of us attach the same sentiment or level of trust by being close to someone. There is no right and wrong here, only what works in your relationship. While some of us may find it easy, others take time to really trust and get closer to their partner. Trust yourself and how you feel first. This will help you decide which boyfriend or husband privileges to grant. [2]
Read: Running A Household Without A Husband In It Is Easier
Living Together
The last year has been a tumultuous one for so many relationships. Going through lockdown forced couples to think about moving in together. Our daily routines changed completely. Some of us dove straight into spending all day every day with our partners and never looked back. Meanwhile, other relationships fell apart, as these new conditions showed us parts of each other that weren’t healthy. To me, living together when you’re in a relationship is a big commitment. It certainly falls closer to my list of husband privileges than boyfriend privileges. The insular times we live in may have undercut this and put undue pressure on so many couples. Before you are considering moving in with your boyfriend, spend a day alone and write down the things you are sacrificing. Some of us need our alone time more than others. You are giving all of yourself, which means no more nights with your friends and the other things you love doing alone will also be affected. Think about it and talk about it together before you decide. [1]
Responsibilities
Depending on each other for different things is a normal and healthy part of your relationship. Even more so if you’ve been together for a few years. We share so much with our partners, like our hopes, fears, and dreams. However, there is sometimes a tendency to take on each other’s responsibilities unnecessarily. This can take away our sense of independence and slowly erode the career goals and other interests we want to explore. Marriage can work wonders when you encourage and help each other to achieve milestones in your separate lives. This takes discipline on each of our parts, as so easily we can hold our partners back when our lives become so intertwined. For this reason, it’s so important to remain as independent and self-sufficient as you can while continuing to pursue your long-term goals. No one wants a second-rate version of you or the resentment that comes along with that in relationships. [3]
What’s next?
So care for your partner and share the load of whatever struggles they face. If you set clear boundaries, there’s no reason to hold back anything. Remember that you and your partner are responsible for your relationship and only you will know what privileges to give them. Keep your communication open and they will do the same with you. [4]
Keep Reading: How To Get A Husband: 129 Ways to Get a Husband in the 50s (hilarious list)
Sources
- “Boyfriends Do Not Get Husband Privileges Period.” The Odyssey. Megan Aaron
- “Boyfriend Vs Husband Privileges.” Sophie-sticated Mom.
- “STOP GIVING YOUR BOYFRIEND HUSBAND PRIVILEGES!” Kamdora.
- “What Really Happens When You Give Your Boyfriend ‘Husband Privileges’” The Odyssey. Lauren Lugdon.