A TikTok sparked a debate about air travel etiquette when a woman refused to give up her seat for a family to sit together. Tammy Nelson had boarded a plane to find someone already sitting in her seat. When Nelson pointed this out, the woman said, “Oh, you want to sit here? I thought we could switch because these are my kids.” She gestured to the two seats beside her. Nelson refused the seat swapping, and posted an airplane video asking people what they would do in her situation.
Should Passengers Give Up Their Seats for Families to Sit Together?
Nelson explained to the mom she would agree to switch if her spot was also a window seat. However, the mother’s assigned seat was a middle seat. Nelson explained that she had slept only 90 minutes the night before and was due to give a presentation to 500 people. She was counting on sleeping on the plane. “Before anyone comes after me… the kids looked like they were about 11 and 15 years old,” Nelson wrote in the caption of the viral TikTok. “And the mom was in arms-reach of both of them from the middle seat in the row behind us.”
The mother did not graciously accept the refusal. Nelson explained the woman had “proceeded to complain for at least 15 minutes to the person next to her loud enough for me to hear.” Nelson was grateful when the other passenger defended her choice. “It was so kind and I appreciated it so much because I was feeling really guilty.”
Many commenters also defended Nelson’s decision. They blamed the mother’s poor planning and said she should have paid to secure the seats she wanted in advance. They were also appalled at the woman’s apparent entitlement. A few mentioned they have been in that mom’s situation before, and they did not assume other passengers would be okay with swapping seats. So they sat in their assigned seats and waited for the person to board the airplane before asking them about switching.
Additionally, most economy passengers prefer the window seat to the middle seat, and said it wouldn’t be fair to expect Nelson to downgrade. Some said it’s proper to offer a seat better or equal to the one being given up. Others pointed out that the children were old enough to sit on their own, especially if their mother was still within reach, so swapping isn’t that necessary.
Swapping Airplane Seats to Help Families
However, other commenters said they would have switched seats if they were in Nelson’s shoes. They cited how difficult it is to travel with children, and how sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. A few people concluded that in these situations “it’s not rude to ask and it’s not rude to say no”.
“In this particular case, I understand why she didn’t want to move. A window seat, especially one pre-booked as such, is very much not the same thing as a middle seat,” said travel expert Nicole Campoy Jackson of Fora Travel to People. “As much as it’s possible, passengers should be choosing their seats ahead of time for this exact reason. I don’t think that you can board a plane with the expectation of someone leaving their seat for you.”
For many airlines, seat selection is part of the booking process, although it may come with extra fees. Check the policies before you purchase tickets. Sometimes, seat selection is available for those who check in early. If this isn’t an option, family seating should not depend on the kindness of other passengers. Rather, airplane staff and flight attendants are responsible for sorting last-minute seat swaps. Passengers could avoid potential conflict by speaking to the gate agent before boarding begins. At that point, the staff can switch the tickets to empty rows, or page solo flyers and ask if they can be accommodated. Even then, individuals may say no and options may be limited, especially on fully-booked flights, which is why pre-planning is so important.
The Best Airplane Seats for Families
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Let’s imagine a family is able to get their choice of seating. There are certain factors that may help make travel as smooth as possible, but that depends on the ages and needs involved. Some choose the back of the plane since it tends to be less crowded and closer to the bathrooms. Others may need to stay in front if they need to disembark quickly to catch a connecting flight. But seats in the middle of the plane (specifically on the wings) may be ideal if a family member gets motion sickness.
“If you’re worried about your child becoming restless during the flight, it may be worth paying extra for a seat with more legroom,” said Fred Baker, senior travel editor of Travelness, to Desert Sun. “This will give the kids space to move around and hopefully avoid tantrums.”
Window seats can provide extra elbow room and screen-free distractions. “The views not only provide comfort, but they can also serve as a distraction for the young ones, especially when they’ve grown tired of the entertainment options available on board,” said Barbie Mission, a travel research analyst at Trip101. Meanwhile, aisle seats may be preferred for young children who need quick access to the bathrooms.
Many airlines require additional fees to choose seating beforehand. Therefore, some individuals include this fee when creating their travel budget. However, some airlines guarantee that children under 12 or 13 will be seated with at least one parent for no additional charge. Examples include: Alaska Airlines, Air France, British Airways, JetBlue, and United Airlines. So look into airlines with similar policies, and confirm they are still being upheld before booking.
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Prepare for the Worst
Despite all efforts into pre-booking and seat swapping, there’s always the possibility that kids and parents will have to sit apart on airplanes. “I try to prep my kids ahead of time for that possibility,” said Shanna Schultz, a travel agent and family travel specialist. “It’s teaching them the reality that we don’t always get what we want, and we have to make the best of it. If I prepare them for that ahead of time, it can be a positive experience.”
Sitting apart can be a good opportunity for the kids to practice independence (and for the parents to get some rest.) If you’re traveling with a large family, it may be preferable to split up, especially if that means separating the siblings who like to rile each other up. Plus, older children may enjoy pretending they are traveling on their own, and put themselves on their best behavior. If they need help, the parents are still close by and the flight staff are only a button away.
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