Teaching children the importance of doing household chores, like laundry, by themselves is very important. The younger they start, the better they master these basic but vital life skills. However, sometimes, parents coddle their children a bit too much. That, coupled with all kinds of bad influences, can lead to them becoming entitled to what their parents do for them. In an AITA post, OP faced exactly this problem when he heard his 12-year-old son talking to his mother in an unacceptable tone.
OP had just returned from home when he found his son yelling at his mother for not doing his laundry. The youngster was furiously asking her mother how difficult it was to do that chore. OP then explains that his wife is a full-time school teacher and works as hard as possible to keep the household going. He also helps out with chores and whatever else she might need. So, OP took him to the laundry room, taught him how to do it, and made him do it. However, the lesson did not end there.
Laundry Is Just One Of The Chores
This episode made OP think about how to teach his 12-year-old son about daily chores and how tough they are to do. So, he decided on this course of action:
Well my kid needs to be punished and I thought of the best possible way to do it. I’m sending my wife to Mexico with her school friends over spring break. I’m going to work from home that week and keep an eye on the kids. It won’t be difficult because I’m putting the older one in charge of the younger one. He will be doing laundry, making breakfast and lunch for both of them and making sure the kitchen and dining room stay clean.
–Reddit
He said it’s unfair to make him work over spring break. I asked him if he thought it was a full time job to do all that I was expecting of him. He said yes it was a full time job. I pointed out that his mother and I both have full time jobs and still manage to do everything that he is whining about.
His younger sibling is 10. However, the older brother simply would not try doing it. So he went and complained to OP’s mother, his grandmother:
He called my mom to see if he could stay there for spring break. She tried to tell me I was being cruel to her poor baby. I asked her what exactly her and my father would have done to me if I had yelled at her for not doing my laundry? She said that it was a different time. I said he could stay with her if she was willing to tell him, in front of me, all the punishment I endured when I lived at home.
–Reddit
She said he could not stay there.
Was It Really The Best Possible Option?
Even though it sounds like OP was correct, there might have been a better way to show his son the importance of doing chores like laundry. The majority of the Reddit comments supported OP and claimed he was NTA. However, even they had a few doubts:
NTA, but in addition to having him learn about the household tasks your wife normally handles, you also need to find out where he learned this behavior. Is he listening to incels on the internet? How could he possibly think yelling at his mother about his laundry was something he could or should do?
-u/miyuki_m
….
Your sons should be completing household chores, not just during the week your wife is gone, but regularly until they move out. Assign age-appropriate tasks and rotate them so that by the time they move out, they have learned the skills they need in order to take care of their homes.
As well as this second NTA comment:
I do think that you should consider approaching this in a more educational manner than a punitive one, and to treat it as a genuine and earnest learning experience for your son, rather than simply a punishment. That might mean that you need to be patient and make sure he understands what the expectations are with the laundry; how it should be treated and taken care of. He may need assistance with preparing meals and using the stove, and possibly help if he’s making something with a higher level of complexity than oatmeal.
-u/Keen_eyed_Emissary
A Significant Part Being Overlooked
Even with all the support, keen-eyed Redditors found an unnecessary task being added to the list of chores for the 12-year-old. They also rightly called it out:
YTA. For a reason I haven’t seen addressed yet. What the hell has the younger son done to deserve this?
-u/Tulipsarered
When kids that age are put in charge of other kids, they get power mad. If they are angry, it’s even worse. Your oldest can’t take this out on your wife (she’ll be away) or you, and guess who’s left and guess you you’ve put him “in charge” of.
At 10 and 12 you can give them each a list of chores and have them each be responsible to you. It’s not like your youngest is a toddler who will run out into the street if left unsupervised.
After all, the father and the mother won’t be around every second of the sibling’s life. This is a considerable danger to their sibling relationship. As such, maybe OP could have found a way to exclude the younger sibling, or better, teach the two simultaneously about the importance of daily chores. What do you think OP should have done? Let us know in the comments!
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Sources
- “Dad Catches Son, 12, Yelling at Hardworking Mom for Not Doing His Laundry.” Amomama. Monica Otayza. November 17, 2023.
- “AITA for making my 12 year old son take care of himself and his his ten year old brother for a week?” Reddit. 2023.
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