What would you do if after giving birth to your second child, you realized that that was the worst decision you’ve ever made? This is the unfortunate reality of a woman who made the mistake of trying to please her family.
This couple felt so pressured by family that they put baby up for adoption.
Mom questions why she put baby up for adoption
The mom, of now two, questions her decision of having another baby so that she could appease her family. When she fell pregnant again, she was given the false reassurance that her family, mainly her mother, would help her raise her child. The mom gave birth to a baby boy who is now 9-months-old. And, in an unfortunate turn of events, her family has gone awol. Now, she and her husband are seriously struggling with the second child. Of course, now, the question remains, is she wrong for wanting to put the baby up for adoption?
The mom of the 9-month-old boy explained why she and her husband decided to terminate a prior pregnancy. It was after they both realized that they were not ready for a second child.
She posted on reddit to tell her story
She made an anonymous post on Reddit explaining her situation. Her husband already had a child when she mistakenly fell pregnant for the second time, only eight months after her first child’s birth. They both decided that it would be best to terminate the pregnancy at 15 weeks due to it not being the right time for them to have another baby.
“We told no one because my family is fairly anti-abortion. The only person I told, and this was a mistake in retrospect, was my sister. Who was understanding at the time, but I guess she flat out told my mother.”
Their choice to abort the pregnancy put a lot of strain on the relationship between her and her mother for a long time. “I thought we reconciled, and they accepted our decision then to terminate the pregnancy,” she continued to write.
Her story continued on the Reddit thread…
Her mother’s response to her decision created a feeling of “immense guilt.” This guilt and fear of disappointing her mom again influenced her to make a decision she now regrets making.
Even though some may say that her reasoning for going through with the recent pregnancy was “stupid,” the truth is that she felt immense guilt for disappointing her mother. She wrote:
“The unreasonable part of me wanted to make it up to her, and the unreasonable course of action was to have another child. I became pregnant again, much to the delight of my mother, and my unreasonable thought process was I was making it up to her.”
Even though she had her doubts about bringing another child into the world she decided to do it. Her husband and her also expressed the fact that they would need help as they weren’t completely ready to have another child.
“My mother flat out told me it’s the right thing to do and she’d babysit whenever we wanted because she’s retired.”
This obviously was a huge relief, however, things aren’t always as they seem. As soon as the couple had their second child her family just upped and left; “my family completely left our lives. Straight up moved away, closed their Facebooks, never spoke to us again.” she wrote.
Her family cut her off
Before her mother and family cut her off, she said that her mother admitted that she was going to punish her for having the abortion. Within the blink of an eye, the mom of a new baby lost everyone.
“She said that we’re not part of the family anymore, and we’re on our own. My support system went to zero in a matter of weeks. Even my sister was on board and ghosted us 100%.”
Miserable and full of regret, the mom of two is considering giving their youngest kid up for adoption in hopes of fixing the mistake she made.
“We now have a 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a 9-month-old son. My marriage is beginning to get strained. We weren’t ready for a second child, and honestly, I’m not sure we ever really wanted more than one.”
Having children and raising them is single-handedly the most selfless job in the world. Your life is no longer your own, and neither is your time. The, now mom of two, has realized that her life is nothing like she had imagined. Since giving birth to her second child, she has now become a stay-at-home mom. This is something she didn’t want to be. She has recently been thinking about giving her baby boy up for adoption. She even mentioned this to her husband so that he might have a chance at being raised in a loving, attentive family.
“Not only that, but maybe our marriage would repair itself, our daughter can have a better-undivided life, and we can continue on our original path of just having one child. My husband is conflicted and said to give him a few months to work on us, and if we can make it work, he’d like to keep both children as he loves them both. But I think deep down, we all know things are in disarray now.”
Torn and confused, she has turned to seek advice from strangers on the internet. Is the couple wrong for considering adoption?
To no surprise, many people on the internet were flabbergasted and thought these parents were flat out crazy.
“I can’t believe what I’m reading here. Can you imagine how immensely it would (expletive) up the kids to do this? The toddler would feel like at a moment’s notice she would be disposed of just like her brother was. Get your tubes tied and use birth control. Also, get tested for Postpartum Depression because I really do think you should have bonded to your baby by now. Even considering it is too much I think!”
Another agreed;
“I suggest therapy. Excessive amounts of it. I suggest you never speak with your family again, unless it’s to rub in another abortion or two, and even that is probably too much. I suggest you immediately abandon whatever ideologies you may have learned from said family. It’s obviously really really evil. I suggest you seek permanent sterilization, tied tubes, vasectomy, IUD.”
A third commentor also felt strongly about it:
“You were using this child as a pawn and now that it didn’t work you want to just give it up? That’s not fair to the child. Adoption, in many cases, is a good idea but normally right after the child has been birthed not after almost a year of getting acquainted to its family.”
And naturally there are those who also believe that the mom and dad are not entirely to blame – her mother and family are also partly responsible.
“It’s very tempting to say YTA — but honestly, I don’t think you are. If I’m understanding you correctly, you HAD your son because you thought your family would help you, but then they ghosted you. Because they’re anti-abortion. That’s (expletive) up and while I don’t blame you for wanting to put him up for adoption, I don’t think you should. You wouldn’t be the (expletive) for putting him up for adoption, but you SHOULD do the supererogatory thing and keep the child because his life would be harder otherwise.”
Another person agreed that the mom wasn’t totally wrong to put baby up for adoption:
“I’m simply stating that everyone makes mistakes. I feel she isn’t the (expletive) for giving him up for adoption. It may be the best option instead of them resenting him later on for their mistakes.”
Someone else on the Reddit thread commented something that doesn’t seem too far away from the truth or what may actually be happening;
“You have postpartum depression. You are thinking crazy thoughts and it is not your fault. Please go to a doctor now!!”
Keep Reading: Psychologist suggest mothers take breaks by going on ‘mom-cations’
Source
- “WIBTA for giving up our son for adoption? ” Reddit. March 2020.