Mayukh Saha
Mayukh Saha
September 12, 2024 ·  3 min read

6 Common and ‘Polite’ Phrases That May Actually Be Condescending

We often communicate without considering how our words might come across to others. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we say things that can sound condescending or patronizing. This happens when our tone or phrasing implies superiority over the other person, even if it’s not intentional. Understanding these subtle phrases can help us communicate with more empathy and avoid unintentionally hurting others. Here are six common condescending phrases that we should be mindful of.

“You wouldn’t understand”

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This phrase implies that the other person lacks the intelligence or capability to grasp a concept. It immediately places them in a lower position, suggesting they are somehow inferior. While you might think you’re simplifying the situation, you’re actually belittling the other person’s ability to comprehend it. Instead, try explaining the situation or offering insights in a more inclusive manner. A better approach might be, “Let me explain this in a different way,” which allows for dialogue without sounding dismissive, according to Huffington Post.

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“It’s not that big of a deal”

two people in front of the sunset
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When someone expresses concern or frustration, brushing it off with “It’s not that big of a deal” can make them feel invalidated. This phrase diminishes their feelings and implies that their reaction is overblown. While you may not find the situation significant, it’s important to acknowledge that it matters to them. A more empathetic response could be, “I can see why that would upset you,” which validates their emotions without downplaying them.

“You just need to…”

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Offering unsolicited advice by saying, “You just need to…” can come off as condescending, as it suggests that the person hasn’t thought things through or doesn’t know what they’re doing. This phrasing assumes you know better and that your advice is the only solution. Instead, frame your suggestion in a way that empowers the other person to decide. Try saying, “Have you thought about trying…?” This keeps the conversation open and respectful.

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“Oh, how cute”

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While this phrase can seem harmless, it can easily come across as patronizing, especially when used to describe someone’s efforts or opinions. Saying something is “cute” when it’s not meant to be can make the other person feel small or belittled. If you’re genuinely impressed, offer a compliment that matches the situation. Instead of “how cute,” try, “That’s impressive,” which conveys admiration without undermining their achievement.

“Well, actually…”

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The phrase “Well, actually” is often used in conversations to correct someone, but it frequently comes off as arrogant. This kind of statement, particularly when used in mansplaining, assumes the other person is misinformed, even when they might not be. A softer approach could be, “I see what you’re saying, but I have a different perspective.” This maintains the integrity of the conversation while offering room for alternate views without diminishing the other person’s knowledge.

“You’re trying your best”

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Though this phrase might seem encouraging, it can sound patronizing when the tone doesn’t match the sentiment. It implies that the person’s best effort still isn’t good enough. When someone is struggling, a better approach might be offering genuine support. Rather than saying, “You’re trying your best,” you could say, “I see how hard you’re working; let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” This acknowledges their effort without sounding condescending.

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