9 Phrases That Teach Others To Treat You With Respect, According to Psychologists

Every relationship dynamic requires numerous elements to be healthy and successful. However, sometimes people can, unwittingly or not, walk all over boundaries or say and do hurtful things. This act often leaves others feeling betrayed or taken for granted. Dr. Heidi Cox is the founder and Director of The Centered Space Psychology Group. The center specializes in offering support for numerous mental health issues including trauma and stress. She explains that to get respect, you must live by the “golden rule”. Furthermore, she suggests these 9 conversation pieces to help set things in motion.

1. Show Appreciation to Gain Respect

Dr. Cox explains that you must set the tone for the relationships you want in your life. For example, saying thank you to someone can go a long way. But adding what you’re thankful for, goes even further. For example, you can say “I appreciate how/that you did…” This recognition will help to create a “collaborative environment.”

2. Say I’ve Missed You

According to Dr. Cox when you remind others how much they mean to you, they will likely reciprocate the sentiment, placing a higher value on your relationship and treating you with more and more respect.

3. How are You?

In the same way that reminding others they matter to you can help you gain more respect, so too can asking about them. Everyone feels a greater connection to those who actively care about how they are, how their family is, or how their day was.

4. Voice Boundaries to Gain Respect

Although there are some exceptions, most people don’t set out to intentionally hurt or fail to respect others. Furthermore, we all have our belief system regarding what love or respect means. As such, a gentle hint or reminder is sometimes all a person needs. Hopefully, they’ll be more mindful and treat others with respect. Saying something like “It doesn’t feel good when…” establishes that something is off in the relationship and gives the other person a “learning opportunity.” However, it’s important to remember not to yell or say hurtful things as this can cause the situation to escalate.

5. Put Pride Aside and Apologize

“Apologizing shows that you are willing to take accountability for your behaviors. It is a critical part of repairing the relationship after a conflict,” explains Dr. Cox. When we apologize to others for our mistakes, we create an environment where both parties are treated with grace and respect.

6. Please Refer to Me as…

A boundary is established early on when you meet people and ask them to refer to you by your preferred pronouns and name. This boundary is seemingly easy to respect and will increase your value in someone’s life.

7. I’d Like to Share what I Need

In the way people don’t always intentionally offend others, they also can’t read minds. Therefore, to gain more respect simply establishing your expectations early on will set the tone for an environment with more respect and consideration.

8. Let Me Show You How I…

While everyone learns differently, a visual is one of the most effective methods of ensuring someone picks up a concept or action. Dr. Cox explains that showing someone how you like things to be set up or done “will have a big impact.”

9. Please Tell Me 3 Ways You Were Helpful

Dr. Cox shares that we are “searching for and expecting positive traits in others” when we ask them to tell us about things they’ve done recently to help others. Questions like this help others to look inside and evaluate how much or how little respect they use to treat others.

Above all, Be Genuine to Gain Respect

Dr. Cox disclosed that the most effective way to get respect is to give it. Living by the “golden rule” and treating others how we want to be treated is a sure way to show others how much you value them. In turn, they’ll likely grow to value and respect you more. She also explains that being genuine is a key element to gaining respect. Saying or asking any of these phrases with genuine interest and care will be far more effective.

In contrast, Dr. Cox that there may be some warning signs that no matter how wonderful you are, you’ll never get respect in a relationship. “Your relationship may be unsalvageable if you are consistently dismissed or demeaned by your partner,” she explained. “If you are clear with your needs and lead by example, and they consistently don’t listen. Or make an effort, then it may not be worth investing in. If you aren’t getting back at least some effort or acknowledgment that the other person wants to change, that is not a good sign.”

Everyone deserves to feel valued and be treated with respect. Sadly, for reasons ranging from past trauma to a lack of manners, people don’t always treat others with respect. Fortunately, a little patience, compassion, and willingness to educate and inform others will help create a more kind and loving world. As a result, people will learn better how to respect others.