Chloe Crawford
Chloe Crawford
February 4, 2021 ·  4 min read

‘Your kids do not come first.’ — Man Thinks Teaching Kids They’re ‘the Center of the Universe’ Does Not Turn Out Well

When we describe our children to other people, we often say they’re our whole wide world. After all, they are! We indeed tend to put our children at the center of our lives. As a result, we often forget that we have our own lives, relationships, and interests. But, is that necessarily a bad thing? Matt Martin, a dad from Texas, seems to think so, and he’s saying your kids do not come first [1]. 

Image Credit: thebeardedfilmmaker | Instagram

Matt Martin was asked to write an article about marriage. Offering any advice to married or soon to be married couples, and he had some interesting things to say about raising children in today’s age. 

A big humongous monstrosity of a lesson I’ve learned that I PRAY that all of you will strongly take into consideration is that your kids do not come first. Our kids are sooo important and are the future and all that fun jazz, but what’s best for them is a beautiful example of two people who love each other (and God),” says Matt Martin [1].

“Another great thing for them to know is that they are not the center of the universe. Sorry if you’re reading this in the future, Jack and Cam and any other children we may have had, but you’re not the center of my universe,” he continued [1].

In other words, this Texan dad is trying to tell us that as parents, it’s okay to focus on ourselves, which in turn could even allow you better focus on your children. 

Is he right?

Look, I’m not here to tell you that Matt Martin is right. We all have different parenting styles, and that’s okay. By the same token, maybe his words do have some merit. 

Undoubtedly, parents feel guilty when they take time away from their kids to focus on something else in our world. Whether that’s your marriage, fitness, job, or just a night of fun – we don’t need to feel guilty for taking time for ourselves and engaging in self-care.

In fact, when we don’t focus all of our attention on our kids (within reason, of course, they still you children), they can develop a great sense of independence. 

For this purpose, I’ve created a list of qualities children develop when they become independent. 


Firstly, independence in children is directly linked to higher self-esteem and confidence. When they are used to doing things by themselves, they become more confident in their abilities. As a result, they can tackle the world with less timidness  [3].

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A post shared by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Matt Martin 🧔🏻🎬 (@thebeardedfilmmaker)

General life skills 

Not only does independence increase self-esteem, but it also helps kids develop life skills that will help them get through challenging situations. Some of these skills include patience, concentration, self-help, cooperation, self-discipline, and self-trust [3].

Emotional skills

When your child can take on more situations by themselves, they become more aware of others around them. This encourages sensitivity and emotional awareness of others, giving them more motivation to help those in need [3].


Independent children are more likely to become self-motivated because they can find their own reasons to achieve.

Don’t get me wrong, kids still need guidance, but when they have the ability to choose something based on their own motivations, like a career, they are more likely to succeed [4].

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Matt Martin 🧔🏻🎬 (@thebeardedfilmmaker)

Leadership skills

As your child begins to make more decisions by themselves, they start to become pretty good at it. They develop the skill to weigh the other options to identify which option makes the most sense.

The ability to make decisions, easy or hard ones, will help your child become a natural leader to those around them [3].

To conclude

In short, taking some time throughout the day for yourself won’t ruin your child. Not doing everything for them actually has many benefits that will help your child as they grow older. 

So, use this article as an excuse to go to a yoga class, have a date night or even go out for a glass of wine with your friends. The choice is yours, and your child will thank you for it in the future!

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  1. ‘Your kids do not come first.’ — Man Thinks Teaching Kids They’re ‘the Center of the Universe’ Does Not Turn out Well.” Stories. Matt Giligan
  2. Instagram
  3. Reasons Why It Is so Important to Encourage Independence In Children.” School House.