Sean Cate
Sean Cate
June 1, 2024 ·  4 min read

My husband shamed me when I revealed my secret fetish

Effective communication and understanding are key to maintaining trust and connection in intimate relationships. However, sharing personal desires and fantasies can sometimes lead to unexpected challenges. In this article, we delve into a recent interaction between a married couple, emphasizing the importance of empathy and open communication when discussing sensitive topics within a relationship, especially something as intimate as a fetish.

The Situation

A woman, referred to as Mortified Mrs, found herself in a distressing situation after revealing a deeply personal fetish to her husband. Despite believing they had a strong and supportive relationship, his reaction left her devastated and questioning the core of their connection. In her search for understanding, Mortified Mrs turned to a Dear Jane advice column on Daily Mail Online. She expressed her confusion and devastation, describing her husband’s extreme reaction. What was the Fetish? You can read her letter to Jane below.

Dear Jane,

I’ve been married for three years and have been with my husband for five years – and we have a wonderful relationship. Or so I thought. I’ve always been a bit shy about expressing myself in the bedroom and my husband has always been really understanding about it, helping me to be more open about my desires and wants, and he’s never made me feel embarrassed or ashamed about my kinks.

That is until last week when we were talking about our deepest desires and fantasies and I opened up to him about a very private fetish that I have kept hidden from everyone in my life for years.

I won’t go into too many details because, quite frankly, I’m too ashamed after hearing my husband’s reaction. I don’t think it’s particularly disgusting or weird – it basically involves pleasuring myself with vegetables, something that I’ve always found to be incredibly exciting and erotic. 

But when I told my husband this, he flipped out. He said he doesn’t know if he can ever look at me the same way again, that I’m like a different person to me now, and that he doesn’t feel comfortable ever eating something I cook because he ‘doesn’t know where it’s been’.

I feel so devastated by his reaction. This person who used to make me feel so safe and empowered has now dealt me the biggest ever blow to my confidence and I don’t know how we can ever move past this.

From, Mortified Mrs

Daily Mail Online

Professional Insight

Jane Green, the advice columnist, responded with empathy and expertise. She shed light on the concept of sitophilia, the term for sexual arousal involving food, reassuring Mortified Mrs that it is a relatively common interest and should not be a source of shame. Jane referenced Dr. Mark Griffiths, a psychologist specializing in human behavior, who highlighted the interconnection between eating and sexual behavior. She also drew examples from popular culture to illustrate the presence of such themes.

Jane emphasized the crucial role of open and honest communication in a relationship, particularly when discussing sensitive topics related to intimacy, such as a fetish. She advised Mortified Mrs to wait for a calm and relaxed moment to express her feelings to her husband. By sharing her sense of shame and upset caused by his reaction, Mortified Mrs could help her husband understand the impact of his words and foster empathy.

Rebuilding Trust and Connection

To bridge the gap and rebuild trust, Jane suggested that the couple explore the fetish together as a way to involve the husband in his wife’s sexual life. By initiating a conversation when the time feels right, Mortified Mrs could present the idea as an opportunity to spice up their sex life and deepen their connection. Jane emphasized the importance of creating a non-judgmental space for both partners to express their desires and boundaries.

Jane stressed that rebuilding trust and connection would require both partners to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. It was essential for the husband to recognize the impact of his words on Mortified Mrs and actively work towards rebuilding her confidence and sense of empowerment. Similarly, Mortified Mrs needed to express her emotions calmly and desire a supportive and non-judgmental environment.

Rebuilding trust and intimacy after such a vulnerable moment takes time and effort from both partners. Engaging in open and ongoing communication about desires, boundaries, fetishes, and emotions is crucial. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist who specializes in couples therapy can also provide valuable guidance and support throughout the healing process.


The story of Mortified Mrs serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities and challenges that can arise when discussing intimate desires within a relationship. Empathy and open communication are vital in understanding each other’s perspectives, validating emotions, and rebuilding trust. By engaging in honest conversations, creating a safe space for exploration, and seeking professional guidance if necessary, couples can navigate sensitive topics and foster a deeper connection, ensuring a supportive and fulfilling relationship.

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