Transgender Man Lashes Out At Nurses Who Call Him ‘Mom’ After He Had A Baby

Before transitioning at 30, transgender father Bennett Kaspar-Williams had gained a significant amount of adult experience presenting outwardly as female. Despite feeling super genderqueer internally. They identified outwardly as female but never truly connected with womanhood, motherhood, or associated narratives due to their detachment from the gender they were assigned at birth.

Evolving Perspectives

As Kaspar-Williams progressed in understanding their gender identity, their focus shifted from gender to bodily function. They reflected on their body’s capacity to carry a baby, realizing the privilege compared to cisgender men and trans women who couldn’t undergo such experiences. This realization marked a radical and empowering shift in their perspective.

“Before I transitioned at 30, I had a significant amount of adult experience as outwardly female. I was super genderqueer, but an outwardly female-identifying person. As a not-yet self-realized trans person, I never connected to womanhood or motherhood or stories of that sort of thing, because they always felt attached to a gender that I didn’t identify with.” said Kaspar.

Read More: Mom Who Nurses Her 5-Year-Old Wants To Normalize Extended Breastfeeding

Uncertainties and Expectations

Transitioning off hormones at 37 brought forth uncertainties about their body’s response. Concerns about the impact on fertility coupled with the age factor led them to anticipate a potentially lengthy journey towards parenthood.

“As I went through my gender evolution in terms of how I understood myself, I started thinking more and more about my body and what it does less in terms of gender and more in terms of function. One thing that my body can do is carry a baby. And then I started thinking about all the cisgender men who are with other cisgender men who can’t carry children, and how lucky that makes me. I think about all the trans women who were assigned male at birth. Those who can’t carry children, and how lucky that makes me.” Said the transgender father.

Read More: Trans man who gave birth to healthy baby boy opens up about pregnancy as a man

Pregnancy Journey

The decision to conceive with their partner, Malik, led to unexpected speed in conception, surprising Kaspar-Williams with its immediacy. Pregnancy during the pandemic brought mixed blessings—protection from external judgment and discomfort. Yet limited participation from Malik in prenatal appointments and hospital visits. “I spent an entire year bunkered in a townhouse in the valley, being pregnant and riding out a global pandemic. Quarantine was a blessing and a curse. I feel like from a safety standpoint it protected me from potential outside violence as a gender-nonconforming person who is visibly pregnant.” said Kaspar.

“It protected me from having a lot of coming-out conversations about my pregnancy in person. Which I think allowed people to process it. Especially at work, because of the way I chose to do it, I gave people resources so if they had any questions or discomfort they had someplace to go that wasn’t me. All of that was really great.”

Challenging Gender Norms

Kaspar-Williams challenges societal norms by sharing their pregnancy journey as a transgender individual. They advocate for disconnecting pregnancy from womanhood, emphasizing the importance of recognizing diverse paths to parenthood. “I want this kind of story to be more normalized so that people stop seeing pregnancy as something that is just attached to womanhood. Because that oppresses a lot of people.” He said.

“It oppresses women who can’t have children. It oppresses people who were assigned male at birth, whether they’re cisgender or not, who can’t have children. And it oppresses gender-nonconforming cis women who just don’t buy into the overly feminized version of mothering that we show in our culture.“

Read More: 70-Year-Old Grandma Wants To Retry Breastfeeding And Asks To Nurse Her Grandbabies

Challenges of Misgendering

Despite efforts to assert their gender identity in medical settings, Kaspar-Williams faced misgendering postpartum. Highlighting the need for broader societal acceptance and understanding of gender diversity. “There’s no uniform experience of motherhood, and that motherhood is not in and of itself an identity.” said the transgender father.

Advocating for Change

Kaspar-Williams actively advocates for recognition that childbirth isn’t inherently gender-specific. Urging for a shift in societal narratives surrounding motherhood and womanhood. Their story underscores the ongoing struggle for transgender rights and recognition in healthcare and society at large.

“For me, parenthood is something that I’ve always seen myself doing, but I have found a very unique and special way that I think changes my journey in a way that’s really cool. And although it is a lot harder in a lot of other ways, obviously I am who I am, and I wouldn’t change the authenticity of doing it this way for anything.” Continued the transgender father.

Read More: Leaked Documents Stoke Fears About Gender Treatment in Children