Parent-child relationships can be complex, especially as they mature into adult kids. While many parents maintain close and loving bonds with their adult children, others find themselves distanced and disconnected. Often, the reasons for this estrangement are traced back to key personality traits and behaviors exhibited during the child’s formative years.
From emotional unavailability to an inability to admit past mistakes, these parental traits can significantly impact the bond between parent and child. In this article, we explore ten common characteristics of parents who are not close with their adult kids, shedding light on the factors that may contribute to these strained relationships.
1. Failure to Acknowledge Past Mistakes Makes for Unbalanced Adult Kids
Parents who are distant from their adult children often struggle to recognize the mistakes they made while raising them. Instead of reflecting on their actions, they tend to blame their children for the strained relationship. According to family dynamics expert Erin O’Regan, “How your kids treat you when they no longer need food and shelter is a direct reflection of how you made them feel when they needed you to survive.”
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2. Emotional Unavailability
One common trait among parents who lose connection with their adult kids is emotional unavailability during their formative years. These parents might have been present physically but not emotionally, leaving their children feeling unsupported. This emotional distance often carries into adulthood, causing their children to seek distance as well.
3. Rigid Control
Parents who exert too much control over their children’s lives can end up pushing them away as adults. When children feel overly dominated, they may grow to resent the lack of autonomy they experienced, leading to strained relationships. A parent’s inability to allow their child freedom during their developmental years can hinder the formation of a close bond later on.
4. Lack of Empathy
Empathy plays a key role in parent-child relationships. Parents who consistently fail to see things from their child’s perspective may unknowingly create an emotional rift. In adulthood, children who feel misunderstood or invalidated are less likely to maintain close ties with parents who demonstrated little empathy during childhood.
5. Neglecting Emotional Needs
Many parents, while providing material necessities, overlook their children’s emotional needs. This creates a sense of abandonment, even when the child has food, shelter, and education. There are two sides to the coin. Parents often believe they gave everything their child needed, but did they give them everything they needed from their perspective?
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6. Unresolved Personal Trauma
Parents who haven’t healed from their childhood trauma might unconsciously pass those unresolved issues onto their children. Crystal Allon, a mom and content creator, reflected on how her untreated trauma impacted her ability to be present for her kids, explaining that when triggered, she would “pull away,” leaving a lasting impact on her children.
7. Inflexibility
Rigid, authoritarian parenting styles can often lead to friction in adulthood. Parents who refuse to adapt to their children’s evolving needs, personalities, and boundaries are likelier to see their children drift away as adults. An unwillingness to compromise or evolve with their child can sever bonds that might have otherwise endured.
8. Lack of Open Communication
Parents who do not foster open, honest communication with their children from a young age often find themselves disconnected later in life. Adult kids who feel their parents did not listen to them may carry this resentment into adulthood, limiting communication and interaction.
9. Inability to Admit Fault
Parents who fail to acknowledge their mistakes or apologize when wrong create an environment where accountability is lacking. Adult children may struggle to maintain relationships with parents who cannot admit their faults, as it can feel like the parent has little regard for their feelings.
10. Expecting Children to Fix the Relationship
Lastly, many parents expect their adult kids to be the ones to bridge the gap in their relationship, despite being the root cause of the rift. This mindset places undue responsibility on the child, making it difficult for them to want to reconnect. It’s the parent’s responsibility to acknowledge their role in creating distance and to take steps toward healing the relationship.
Building a healthy relationship with adult children requires continuous effort, reflection, and openness, something many parents fail to recognize. As children grow into independent adults, the relationship dynamic must also evolve to maintain closeness and understanding.
Disclaimer: This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment and is for information only. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions about your medical condition and/or current medication. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking advice or treatment because of something you have read here.
H/t Your Tango
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