Eventually, we all find ourselves having to make some tough choices in regard to our families. Life goes full circle, and we end up becoming responsible for our parents. We face a dilemma in that we eventually have to decide between keeping them close, or in our homes. Or the idea of putting them in assisted living. There are definitely pros and cons to both options. However, when Tenny’s mother-in-law needed to make a change, Tenny saw that she and her husband were not in agreement.
Tenny Shares Her Story
Tenny shares a letter with Brightside, in which she expresses that she may need help. She’s looking for a solution for her and her husband. Tenny’s mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia, but they are not in agreement about what to do next. Tenny explains that her husband is an only child and wants his mother to move in with them.
On the other hand, Tenny feels as though her mother-in-law’s dementia is more than they can handle. Additionally, she thinks they should put her into assisted living. Tenny says they both have full-time jobs and already trying to balance a home with 2 children. They don’t see eye to eye because her husband feels responsible.
He wants to care for his mother or find a caregiver to do so. In contrast, Tenny recognizes their lives are already so hectic. More than that, she feels as though her mother-in-law’s condition is more than the family should handle.
Common Challenges
Tenny’s story is not unlike many others. In fact, an estimated 3 million people are diagnosed with this condition annually. As a result, it can be really hard to know what the right decision is for your whole family. Dementia is such an unpredictable disease which can make knowing how to handle things, even more challenging. The biggest pro to assisted living is that there are professionals on hand with experience in this area. To really understand how to make the best choices it’s necessary to understand the condition. Additionally, it’s important to know what is needed to be able to handle these scary moments.
What is Dementia
Dementia isn’t a specific disease, according to the CDC, it is simply a term to refer to someone with impaired thinking abilities. There are 6 types of common diseases associated with dementia. Although it is a common disease, it’s not a part of the normal aging process. Getting older causes some brain impairment including things like forgetting where you put your keys or what your to-do list for the day was.
However, a more serious version of forgetfulness is often something like not recognizing their homes or the people in their families. This is when assisted living becomes a really good option. It ensures the safety of your loved one. Despite the fact that it can feel disheartening to be so far away from your parents while they’re in such a deep state of vulnerability.
Read: 98-Year-Old Mother Moves Into Care Home To Take Care Of Her 80-Year-Old Son
Pros and Cons of Assisted Living
One of the most important benefits aforementioned above is that there are round-the-clock, experienced, professionals on hand. The best use empathy and treat our loved ones with dignity and kindness. They understand how the brain is impacted by dementia and offer as much support to the family as they do, the parents. Another pro is that you, a hard-working spouse and parent, may not have to take on challenges. These might include, late nights, the physical need to restrain your loved one, or arguing about medication.
On the other hand, there are 2 major concerns when considering assisted living. Firstly, the biggest con is cost. We want the best possible care for those who cared for us, but finding that, can often be expensive, even unmanageable for many Americans.
Additionally, from a more emotional approach, another major con is not being beside your loved one at every step. That is an unrealistic goal because we have jobs, schools, families, and extracurriculars to balance. However, knowing that you’re on hand for your loved one at night might make things feel a little easier. When they are in assisted living you won’t be in the next room or even in close proximity sometimes.
Knowing When to Make Changes
There are many signs that it may be time to consider putting your loved one in assisted living. This can look like a worsening medical condition. Similarly, they may make questionable decisions in regard to money or safety. Another possibility is they may become increasingly isolated. Other signs include the inability to maintain oneself, whether that is hygienic or within their living space.
Assisted Living Options
There are a few options for assisted living. Knowing their similarities and differences as well as the condition of your loved one will help you decide which option is best for your family. A nursing home provides 24-hour care and assistance with medications. Assisted living is similar to a nursing home in that there’s constant staff available, but they are less involved than in a nursing home.
Home health care allows the loved one to stay in their own home but get help with driving to appointments or the store, with medication, and potential wound care. Independent living communities are similar to that of a retirement communities in which the person can be independent and engage in community activities but also have a nearby medical facility in case of emergencies.
There are many ailments that can cause a person to need assisted living. If you’re struggling with making that choice for your family just remember that finding a balance that works for everyone is the main goal. There may be some compromises along the way and will undoubtedly take some tough decision-making. In contrast, ultimately, your confidence in your decision will be brought about when you are informed of the condition. Looking into what kind of resources may be available in your area or state may also help you through this disheartening process.
Keep Reading: Goodbye Nursing Homes? New Trend: CoHousing With Friends!
Sources
- “Knowing when it may be time for Assisted Living.” Aging. November 2022.