As a parent and as a now-adult child: Do you feel you owe your parents anything for bringing you into the world? Some people feel kids don’t owe their parents at all. While others feel very differently, and expect a lot more from their children. Lisa Pontius is one of those moms who feel the former. Kids don’t owe their parents, and their parents should not expect them to! At the age of 33, here is what Lisa has to say. She is a stay-at-home mom who lives in South Carolina. Recently, Lisa shared her controversial views on TikTok, gaining over 5 million views! The banner read “Kids Don’t Owe Their Parents Anything.”
“I hope parents, especially parents of younger kids, take away how delicate this relationship is that they are building with their children. That they will one day be adults and get to decide if they want you around, and hopefully you’ve given them a reason to want to.”
In the past, Lisa has encountered a similar situation after stating her views on boundaries with her own mom. Comments on that particular post said she should be grateful for all her mother has done for her. We’d like to point out that Lisa actually has a fantastic relationship with her parents. And, while yes, being grateful for opportunities is one thing, Lisa feels differently. And, we have to admit, she kind of has a point.
“Children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, and depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either. It’s a parent’s job to provide for their children. It’s a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that’s like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid’s physical and financial needs. The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You’re not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.“
Have a look at Lisa’s controversial “kids don’t owe their parents” TikTok video here
“Some parents parent through fear and authoritarianism, and who in their adult life wants to maintain a close relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates you? I kept seeing the same messages on my videos from members of the older generation that said children owe respect to their parents regardless of how the parent treated the child, and I think that’s simply naive and unrealistic.
“Boundaries can be small things, like asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors to not kiss your new baby. There can also be bigger boundaries, but the goal is the ability to maintain a relationship that doesn’t compromise your mental health or happiness.”
“They don’t owe me anything once they’re grown just because I birthed them. Hopefully by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that’s not a guarantee.”Lisa
Of course, a lot of people agreed! But, many thought that her views that kids don’t owe their parents anything were warped and wrong. Have a look at one some people had to say: