My Husband Wants His Mother to Move In With Us

Aging is an inevitable part of life. Something non of us get to avoid in some way or other. Watching your parents grow old can be difficult, especially when they lose the ability to care for themselves properly. Some people would rather have their parents cared for in a nursing home as they feel the nurses can do a better job.

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Others prefer to do the caring themselves, seeing it as a right of passage. One woman’s husband wants his mother to move in with them as she was getting along in her years. However, the woman would instead she went to a nursing home.

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Old woman
Image credit: Pexels

Family dilemmas

Tenny sent an email where she explained a family dilemma that was putting strain on her marriage. Her husband’s mother had been diagnosed with dementia and she was unable to care for herself anymore. So, being the dutiful son, Tenny’s husband invited her mother-in-law to move in with them.

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This wasn’t exactly what Tenny had in mind, as she would rather send her to a care facility to a nursing home to be cared for by professionals. Both parents are working full-time, and then they do have spare time, their two children take up all their attention. So, Tenny asked what she should do.

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Firstly, It’s important for Tenny to make sure she is fully informed on how dementia works. It is a neurodegenerative disease that is seriously debilitating and it is wise to understand it so you know how to handle the person. Secondly, whether or not she decides to move her mother-in-law in with them or into a nursing home, she should do it before her dementia regresses too much. If she is too far down dementia then she won’t adjust to the new environment as easily.

Next, it is suggested she discuss with her husband whether or not they will manage to care for her in-law while maintaining a balanced lifestyle. Caring for dementia-riddled people can be seriously time-consuming. Furthermore, they made a point that family members who care for their again parents might burn out if they do not get any help.

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Tenny's dilemma
Image credit: Brightside

Is having the in-laws move in worth it?

There is no straight-up answer on whether living with the in-laws is a good idea. We are all unique, as are our partners. Therefore, our relationships and circumstances are never the same. That being said, if you have been deliberating on moving in with your partner’s parents then it might be a good idea to weigh out the advantages and disadvantages.

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Advantages:

  1. By living with your in-laws, you may be able to save them some money on living expenses like rent and groceries.
  2. They will get to spend more time with you before they inevitably pass. this can be truly special especially if you have children.
  3. Getting your in-laws to move in can provide an opportunity to develop a closer relationship with them.

Disadvantages:

  1. Living with your in-laws means you may have less privacy than you had with your partner.
  2. Having your in-laws move in can often lead to conflict which can put a strain on your marriage or partnership.
  3. If your in-laws move in with you, they might lose a sense of independence because they will rely on you for so much. Often this makes them feel like another one of your children which is belittling.
  4. More household costs
  5. Costly home modifications for the aging in-laws like ramps and railings.

Sources

  1. Thriving and Living With in-Laws- 10 Tips.Marriage.
  2. My Husband Wants His Mother to Move In With Us”. Brightside.
  3. The Pros and Cons of Moving An Aging Parent Into Your Home.5 Star Senior Living. June 28, 2019
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