concerned man sitting on couch with partner who is turned away from him

Husband Asks If He’s Wrong for Not Wanting to Adopt a Child His Wife Conceived in an Affair

Affairs are tricky things when you love the person who cheated on you and you want to try to make things work. Even though nothing can take away what they have done, you would be forgiven for wanting to at least attempt to repair whatever was broken. Throw a baby into the mix and things get even more complicated. Or so this Reddit user claims to have found out.

User u/NotAdoptingHerBaby took to Reddit’s AITA forum to ask the opinion of others as to whether or not he was the bad guy in his situation. He goes on to tell his tale, starting off with how happy and in love he used to be with the woman he loved. But everything changed for him when one drunken night, she cheated on him and landed up pregnant. He says he knew it could not be his child due to a horse-riding accident in his teenage years. He also says his wife had no idea who she’d slept with, so the actual father of the child was not in the picture at all.

Man And Woman Wearing Brown Leather Jackets

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His wife decided to keep the baby

Thanks to his wife’s actions, the Reddit user says that their relationship took major strain and nearly ended in divorce. They decided to try to make things work with couples therapy, and at the time of making his online post, they were still in therapy, five years down the line.

So, she had her son. We talked a lot about it, and I made it clear that I’m ok taking on a step-parent role, but I wasnt willing to fully be his dad. I wouldn’t adopt him, but I would help raise him and get him off to college. My wife agreed to this, became a stay at home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents, and I’ve pretty much been the fun uncle like guy. I play with him, buy him games, try my best to not resent him (and I am in therapy for this), and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife’s parenting. He even calles me “Uncle,” instead of dad. He knows I’m not his father, and is just happy to play video games with me and chill.

Photo of Man in Raising Baby Under Blue Sky

User u/NotAdoptingHerBaby goes on to say that now, his wife has started to suggest he adopt the child. He says he was very clear from the get-go about this and is not willing to change his mind.

I made it clear that if anything happened, he would go live with her parents, and I’d send child support. If they couldn’t take him, I wouldnt put him in foster care or anything, but I also wasnt willing to take on the responsibility of being his father when I’m not. I’m happy being an Uncle to another man’s kid, since thats what life threw at me.

Not a happy couple

Of course, his wife was not pleased with this, and the Reddit user says his wife tried to use her child to manipulate him into adopting him by telling him to call him dad instead of uncle. But, he stayed firm and refused. He then says he decided he wanted a divorce. He also says upon further investigation, he would not be liable for child support and would be able to cut ties with her and her child completely.

I told my wife I was leaving and pursuing that divorce. I think I’ve been ready to do so for a while, but just needed the push. This has led to a complete melt down, but I stayed firm, packed everything up, and moved in with my brother across town. I have already contact the landlord to tell him I would pay for 2 more months rent. After that, everything needs to be switched to her.

Woman And Man Sitting on Brown Wooden Bench

Everyone’s opinion was pretty much the same

Of course, there is no way to verify how true this story is, as it is just a post on Reddit and could be completely made up. That did not stop the Reddit community from giving their opinion. Most of the commenters agreed that not only was he the bad guy, but so was she. Ultimately, their entire relationship was a toxic mess.

ShmamBo88 said:

ESH. Everything about this is pretty terrible. Her cheating. You purposefully distancing yourself from the child, who is not yours through no fault of his own, not to mention you being the only father figure he’s ever know. Dad’s don’t need to be blood. You all sound like assholes. Except the little one obviously, who I just feel so sorry for. Sort your shit out for his sake.

Another user, Trap_Cubicle5000, suggested that he was worse than the wife, and that he was punishing her for something she did years ago:

He’s punishing his wife. Continuously, constantly, for years. That is having an effect on their relationship obviously, and it’s having an effect on the child. Why on earth people stay with cheaters when they’re unwilling to forgive and instead choose to live marinated in resentment and stagnation instead of just moving on with their lives is beyond me.

What do you think? What would you do if you were in this man’s situation? Would you have tried to make it work in the first place? Do you think what he has done is unfair? Let us know in the comments!

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Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.