A mother is someone who fills the void anybody else creates in your life, but no one can fill the void of a mother passing away. If you lose your mom, there is no other who can take her place.
Describing a mother’s love for her child is nearly impossible because no words seem to be worthy enough. However, think of the standard story of the pelican bird, the self-sacrificing mother bird of the medieval bestiary. [1] This story has been used in Christianity as an analogy for the love of the Savior, but it also aptly describes the powerful love a mother has for her children.
The pelican lays a brood of chicks, and as they grow, they get hungry, violent, and unappreciative of her selfless care. They try to peck her eyes out and make her appear haggard and tattered. When she retaliates, she may strike one or two of her chicks dead, but she immediately regrets it. With her beak, she pierces her breast open and bleeds out. She didn’t die to escape from the harsh reality, but only to feed her chicks. They can feed on her blood and flesh for weeks until they are strong enough to fend for themselves.
When a woman starts having children, everything changes in her life. Raising a family is always tougher on the mother because she has to birth the children, nurse, and nurture them for the first few years of their lives. At this stage, the children are not yet developed enough to understand her sacrifices and love. They throw tantrums, act silly, and run their mother ragged, and occasionally, she may snap a few twigs. However, if right after this tirade she’s required to give her life for her children, she wouldn’t think twice. She’d still go hungry to feed them and work three jobs to provide for them. A mother’s love is impossible to fathom.
A mother’s impact
The presence of an active mother is invaluable to the development of a child. A loving mother would consider her children before anything else, and as they get older, they’ll begin to understand her irreplaceable role in their lives. As teenagers, they may go through that hormonal phase where they believe their parents dislike them and do not understand them. [2] As adults, they’ll finally begin to appreciate their mother’s unconditional love, in a way that will overwhelm them. They’ll know they can turn to her in times of distress and she’ll move all the mountains she can to make everything all right.
The mother-child relationship is a strongly influential one, and her presence alone is everything you need to have a strong emotional base in life.
Read: Woman Follows Little Boy Who Takes Leftovers from Her Restaurant Every Day
The void her absence creates
“The day I lost my mother is one I will never forget. I remember each and every moment of that day with such clarity that I couldn’t erase it from my memory even if I tried. From the grey forlorn sky to the leaves of her favorite lilies sagging from the weight of the downpour the previous night, it was as though the earth itself was mourning her departure. And why wouldn’t it, she was such a phenomenal woman who spread joy and comfort to all those who crossed her path,” Jisha Joseph wrote on Shared.com. [3]
Her story represents the gloominess that comes with the death of a mom. Everything virtually comes to a stop, and the pain in your heart is so deep it could manifest in physical distress. This is known as Broken Heart Syndrome. [4]
No matter how strong or established a person is, nothing prepares you for the void created when your mother passes away. She’s been such an integral part of your existence that you feel as if a part of you has been taken away. Most people never truly stop grieving their mothers. The pain may dull over time, but it never really leaves you completely.
“She was there for me through every single one of my heartbreaks. She was there to bake a cake for me when I won my first painting contest in school. She was there to patiently comfort me as I freaked out about finding that perfect dress for prom. She was there at all odd hours of the night even after I moved away for work when I’d call her to complain about how unreasonable my boss was being. She was there for it all. Until now,” Jisha wrote.
As long as your mother is alive and well, you’d never stop needing her. Women fare better as mothers when they have their mothers around to guide them. A lot of young moms admit that they wouldn’t have coped through motherhood if their mothers weren’t with them at the start.
Questions and comforts
“Who do I go to now when I’m having a bad day? Whose shoulder do I cry on when the lilies in the restaurant remind me of her? Whose lap do I rest my head on when it all becomes a bit too much? To whom do I confess my regrets of not having done enough for her? Whose gentle voice will remind me not to dwell on what I’ve lost and instead be grateful for what I have? I’m haunted by the thought that I never really let her know how integral a part of my life she was. Did she know she means the world to me? Did she know I’d be so utterly lost without her?”
Anyone who loses a mom is hounded by these questions. You can only wonder how you’ll cope without her. It seems impossible, and you’ll find yourself wishing you could get her back. You don’t just want a last chance with her, because you’ll go right back to missing her. You want her back for good, to fill the void she’s created, and be your caring mom again.
“She passed away peacefully in her sleep with the hint of a smile on her face. I’ve often wondered about the secret behind that smile. Was she dreaming about something? Or was she greeted by someone or something on the other side waiting to take her to the beyond? Whichever it was, I’m glad there was some joy in her final moments. She deserved all that’s good in the world. She’d seen enough pain in her life.”
Let yourself heal.
Your mother may have left with a part of your soul, but she may never fully rest in peace until you find some peace yourself. I believe that even in death a mom would still put her children before anything else. Your peace will come before hers. Surround yourself with family, friends, and people who will shower you with the love and care you deserve. Stop fighting the grief. Let it wash over you but don’t let it consume you. Finally, accept that even though your mom is gone, she lives on in you. The memories, the love, and her presence will stay forever. [6]
Keep Reading: Always love your mother because you will never get another
Sources
- “The Legend of the Pelican“, Verkeskus.
- “‘Why Do My Parents Hate Me?’ Reasons Teens Google This Question“, The Huffington Post. November 2015.
- “The Day I Lost My Mother, I Lost A Part Of My Soul And I Wish She Knew How Much I Miss Her“, Shared.com. August 2019.
- “Is Broken Heart Syndrome Real?“, Heart.org.
- “Coping with Grief and Loss“, Help Guide. June 2019.