pregnant person

Pregnant Mom With 12-Hr Job Told She’s Neglecting ‘Wifely Duties,’ Tells Off Family, Asks If She’s Wrong

We live in a world filled with people who all have outdated views of what a woman can and can not do. So many people still have this outdated, pathetic opinion on wifely duties. Things such as women needing to cook for their husbands, not have a job because raising the kids should be their job, or needing to keep the house clean. No matter if you have a warped opinion on how a wife should behave at home, or if you use phrases like “run like a girl”, or, if you have an opinion on what a female should wear, you are a sexist!

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While we can not confirm this story is true as it was posted on a Reddit thread, the message is still a very real one, and something we all should read!

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Woman asks Reddit if she’s neglecting her wifely duties

Recently, one woman, aged 30, took to Reddit to ask if the rest of the world thought she was neglecting her wifely duties to her husband. Here is what she had to say, and, a bit of background:

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I (30f) have been married to my husband for a year. We are expecting our first child and it’s a really tricky pregnancy for me.

My husband grew up as a mommas boy but throughout our relationship that dynamic changed and he became more independent. His mother always cooked for him. Cleaned for him even when he was an adult he was never required or taught how to do house chores. He learned all that through me.

I’m working a really hard job since I was 25. I work at a warehouse and I always work overtime because my boss is horrible but that’s another story. My husband is working from home even before the pandemic.

Now, my MIL and my mom call me a bad wife for not caring for my husband properly. They claim it’s my job to do the cooking and cleaning. My mom justifies my MIL intervening in our household matters. She says I’m not a proper housewife.

My husband complained to my mom today that I’m too lazy. That I haven’t cooked a proper meal in a week and I only cook easy quick meals. I’m working a 12-hour job while pregnant and he’s working from home. My job is also a 2hour drive from the house. I’m away 14 hours a day overworking myself while he does nothing to help around the house. And, the few times he does help he rubs it on my face while calling me lazy and complaining to my mom and his mom.

Imagine being told you are not good enough for your husband and that you need to pick up the slack with your so-called wifely duties?

While I was at work today my MIL called me and complained about how her son has lost weight since he married to me. How I’m not feeding him and she’d never let him marry me if she knew how shitty I am as a wife. I told her her son is a grown man who’s fully capable of taking care of himself, also told her to never bother me again while I’m at work and hang up.

My mom called me a few minutes later to also complain and I told her I’m not my husband’s babysitter I’m his wife and if she and MIL want to act like babysitters to him then be my guest.

I was having a chat with my friend from work about that. She told me I’m TA because that’s what I signed up for when I married my husband. I should take responsibility when I’m not doing my wife duties the right way. She said I let online feminists get in my mind and I forgot what a proper wife is like. I’m being an ass by trying to rebel against my husband while also offending my MIL and mom. So AITA?

The woman asked Reddit if she really was neglecting her wifely duties, or if they were the ones needing to be checked. She explained how at first, her husband was not nearly as bad before they got married.

First of all, I really don’t appreciate the victim-blaming in some comments. People blaming me for getting in an abusive relationship and having a baby. You know it’s not always that simple and easy. My husband worked on himself for the better when we started dating years ago. While we were dating and while we were engaged and lived together he was always helping out. He grew up with the momma’s boy mindset. But, once we became more committed he started changing his mindset and behavior about gender roles and treated me as equal. Even when his mom tried to intervene at certain times he’d put her in her place and defend me. His behavior started shifting back to the gender roles mindset slowly after we got married.

At first, it was more subtle but the signs were there though not as obvious. As time passed I also found out I’m pregnant and it was getting worse and worse. The cherry on top was now that he has been also complaining to my mom about how lazy I am. For many years we were equal and he never displayed that misogynistic mindset since he bettered himself. It only happened after the marriage.

Secondly, I talked to my sister about it. My twin sister lives on an entirely different continent and had no idea of these things. She was furious when I told her and called our mom to defend me. Then my mom called and said I’m trying to cause a rift between her and my sister because I refuse to take responsibility and accept I screw up as a wife. She said that if I keep screwing up she won’t support me and I’ll end up alone. So, I better watch my steps. I don’t know how to feel about this and how to react, what I should do. I’m completely alone. The only person who could possibly support me is across the globe.

What the rest of Reddit thought

Of course, the thread soon picked up traction on Reddit. And, almost everyone agreed. She was not a bad wife and she owed her husband nothing.

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screenshot of reddit thread
Reddit
screenshot of reddit thread
Comment from Reddit
screenshot of reddit thread
Reddit
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Comment from reddit

What are your thoughts? Do you think the poster is neglecting her wifely duties? Let us know in the comments!

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Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). 

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Jade Small
Freelance Writer
Jade is a freelance writer and content creator from South Africa with over 7 years experience writing and creating. She's also a proud single mom to a super 13 year old boy.
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