We’ve all faced entitled people before. One exceptionally entitled mother took no boys allowed a little too far.
These are the individuals who feel no qualms cutting ahead inline at the grocery store or demanding their seatmates on a plane switch so they could sit next to their friend or partner, (although they could have booked more in advance or paid a little extra to ensure they would sit together.)
If the person ahead of them in line or the seatmate refuses, the entitled person feels oppressed. The grocery store now has to hear the person griping about obnoxious, selfish people, and the plane has to endure a flight of the whining of how unfair life is.
Entitled people lack self-awareness and think the world revolves around them, and that may sound unbelievable until you come face to face with someone with that ideology. Unfortunately, a mother faced such a person when she came to a park to play with her young son.
The ironic part is that this story is told not from the boy’s mother’s perspective, but from the entitled mother herself who thought she could make a public park a sort of no boys allowed club.
No boys allowed?
Carolyn Hax runs an advice column on the Washington Post and received a letter from a mother who wanted to exclude a little boy from a park. What’s the best way to explain this to his mother?
Her letter began by explaining that she and several moms of daughters would meet at a playground at a set time once a week. One day, a mom with her little boy arrived when the little girls were playing.
“I asked her (nicely, I thought) if she would mind leaving because we had wanted it to be a girls-only time,” wrote the mother. “She refused and seemed angry at me.
“This has been such a sweet time for moms and daughters, and having a boy there is naturally going to change things. We live in a world where boys get everything and girls are left with the crumbs, and I would think this mom would realize that, but she seems to think her son is entitled to crash this girls-only time.
“I know I can’t legally keep her from a public park, but can I appeal to her better nature?”
No boys allowed in a public park? Really? Huh…
Many commenters were appalled at this mother’s audacity for trying to prevent a child from playing at a public park, and many might be consoled by reading Carolyn Hax’s response: “Can I appeal to your better nature? Goddess help us all.”
Hax berated the mother for shooing off the innocent little boy and calling it “cosmic correction,” even after the mother had time to reflect on the situation before writing to Hax.
“That kid is a human being — not with privileged little man feelings, either, but with feelings, period. Perhaps even a disposition that fits better into your idea of girl behavior than some of the girls there. People are not widgets.
“And the adult you shooed off is a mom, possessor of the same crumbs you’ve been fed, no? So don’t you think she would have just liked to hang with some fellow moms in the park?” Although, Hax admitted she would not want to spend any time with that mother who boy-shamed a kid for wanting to play with girls, ironically.
She firmly stated that if the mother wanted a “girl’s only” playdate, it should be arranged on private property.
“And if you’re going to accuse anyone of being “entitled,” then ask yourself who just asked the world to bend to whom.” [1]
How to Deal With Entitled People
Entitlement is a mindset that the world owes a person special treatment. These people generally think that they are more important than others. They make requests at other people’s expenses with no regard for how that will affect them.
Entitled people often have double standards. They are allowed to cancel last minute, not return phone calls, fail to complete a task, but Heaven forbid anyone treats them that way. Their relationships tend to be one-sided, with them taking while giving few favors in return.
They struggle to play fair because fair requires equality. They don’t like compromises, negotiations, rules, or waiting their turn. Arguing with them is usually pointless because they will never admit they were wrong. If they don’t get their way, they become hostile and give the cold shoulder or throw full-out tantrums.
However, even when entitled people have their way, they are not necessarily happy. They are generally insecure and care a lot of the approval of others. Their behavior pushes people away as they struggle for others to support their inflated importance.
Dealing with these kinds of people is difficult but doable. Here’s how:
- Set limits. An entitled person might expect you to do something, but you don’t have to accept the task. Simply say, “I wish I could, but that won’t work for me right now. How about another time?” or something to the like depending on the situation. This will help the person to feel heard and might help their ego accept a different solution.
- Treat everyone equally. Don’t bend the rules for people who kick and scream. It only feeds into their false superiority and makes others resentful.
- Pity them. Yes, entitled people are aggravating, but their behavior stems from a feeling of inadequacy. Don’t let them walk all over you, but this mindset might help you stay calm in the face of their hostility.
- You can’t change them. The best you can do is be compassionate, for them and for yourself. Set limits and be kind, but don’t expect to heal. It’s best to steer clear of toxic people for your own mental health. Their silent treatments can be a blessing as they give you a break from entitled behavior. [2] [3]
An Example for the Children
One commenter was later posted at the end of the column with her opinion on the matter. She was a mother to a boy and a girl, and considered her “an extreme feminist.”
“Think of it this way,” she wrote. “You are perpetuating the exclusion of one sex over the other in society. Kids are kids. Adults teach them that one sex is different from the other, or only gets to do certain things. You are doing the same but at the expense of a little boy who wanted to play on a playground.” [1]
Sources
- “Carolyn Hax: Hanging the ‘No Boys Allowed’ sign at a public playground.” Washington Post. Carolyn Hax. October 14, 2018.
- “4 Ways to Deal with Entitled People.” Quick and Dirty Tips. Ellen Hendriksen, PhD. May 19, 2017.
- “The Psychology Behind Sense Of Entitlement” Better Help. Nadia Khan. May 9, 2019.