My husband won’t forgive me for farting in front of him once

Farting is normal for anyone who has a digestive system. But it has a reputation to be crude, immature, and plain gross. In relationships, farting becomes a strange sort of taboo. Since it’s generally seen as unattractive, some couples take measures to keep their flatulence private. For others, it’s a milestone to become comfortable enough to pass gas in front of each other.

However, one woman describes her husband as far on the ‘do not fart’ side of the spectrum. In a post on Kid Spot, she explains how she never farted in front of him. And when she did, he refused to forgive her. 

Woman Farts in Front of Husband and He Won’t Let Her Forget It 

“My husband and I are open and honest with each other about 99 percent of things,” she begins. “Being married for six years but together for over nine means, we know each other very intimately. Even from the beginning of our relationship, we would talk about everything and share what we were thinking and feeling; it was just how we did things. 

“There is only one thing that we don’t share…flatulence.” [1] 

Her husband finds women farting or burping completely unacceptable. While he harps on that females shouldn’t do these things, he dislikes them coming from anyone. He never burped or fronted in front of his wife either. 

He was clear about his views early on in the relationship. One of her friends at a pub let out a loud burp, and he spent the hour-long walk home explaining how disgusting and inappropriate that was. His wife ensured to keep her business private from then on, and she maintained that for nine years, until a few weeks ago. 

“That is absolutely revolting!”

“As I started to drift off to sleep, my guard was down and out came the post pizza gasses from that evening’s dinner. 

“Yep, the worst flatulence scenario happened, I farted, and it wasn’t a small or inoffensive smelling one either. In fact, it was probably one I’d be embarrassed about even if I was alone in the toilet.” 

Her husband turned to her with a disgusted look on his face. “That is absolutely revolting!” he said. “Farting is the most unladylike thing a woman can do, especially in front of her husband.”  

He was revolted, and she was mortified. “I couldn’t believe that after so long, I had finally slipped and done something I knew my husband found so distasteful and off-putting,” she wrote. 

“Farting is not acceptable for a woman to do”

She apologized the next morning after a sleepless night. He accepted her apology, she explains, but he seems bent on reminding her never to do such a thing again.  

“He will use any reminder of what happened to really drum home that burping or farting is not acceptable for a woman to do.” For instance, he’d use an example of people farting on TV or in public and talk about how uncivilized they are.  

She spoke to a friend about what happened, and to her surprise, her friend was outraged at her husband’s behavior. 

“While I understand that for many people, like my friend, that burping and farting in front of their partner is not a big deal, for my husband, it is. It is really the only thing that is a big deal for him, and while others may say it isn’t important, for me it is because for my husband who I love and who in every other way is so wonderful, thinks it is,” she concluded her post. 

“But now that I made a mistake and he can’t seem to forget it, I have no idea what I should do to get him to move past it and get back to normal. I just know that I can never fart in front of him again.” 

Read: Man Says He Refuses To Give Up His Seat For Pregnant Women Because Of Long Working Hours

Farting in Front of Your Partner 

The shame surrounding flatulence begins at a young age. Kids who pass gas are often ridiculed, and this embarrassment carries into adult life. After all, who would want to do something so gross and humiliating in front of their partner? 

However, in healthy relationships, the occasional fart could slip out without changing the partner’s view of them. 

“It’s a healthy sign that you are comfortable enough with each other to [pass gas],” Gary Brown, a marriage and family therapist. 

Shannon Chavez, a psychologist and sex therapist, also promotes the de-stigmatization of flatulence between partners. “The more we can normalize it and not shame it, the better. It allows people to feel more open in dealing with changes in their bodies and less secrecy and shame, which can be isolating and embarrassing.” [2] 

That doesn’t mean that all couples need to pass gas for their relationship to be considered serious. They need to communicate what they are comfortable with and work out a compromise. It might feel awkward to start such a conversation, but remember, it’s a normal bodily function. It’s not some humiliating secret. Additionally, some people are more susceptible to flatulence than others, like those who have Crohn’s disease, irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colitis, or food sensitivities. 

Flatulence Could Find Red Flags  

However, the way your partner deals with this topic could create some real red flags in the relationship. For instance, if someone is sensitive to smell or uncomfortable around farts, how their partner reacts could be very telling. 

“If your partner is not making an effort to control it, move away from you, or say ‘excuse me,’ then it’s an example of disrespect that could be evident in other areas of the relationship,” said therapist Kurt Smith. 

In the story above, the woman is having the opposite problem with her husband. While it’s fine to keep farts a private affair, being unforgiving after one mistake in nine years is a bad sign. For one, it has caused her incredible shame and humiliation over a natural bodily function. He has an expectation for her to appear perfect, and if he’s unforgiving in this regard, he may be putting pressure on her in other areas.

Additionally, her attempts to quell his reminders seemed useless, which could mean he’s not listening or communicating well with her. She seemed very stressed about the situation and eager to make the tension go away, not a good sign. One slipup should not cause so much anxiety. Also, she deserves an apology for his terrible reaction. He looked at her as if she was revolting, and he should take accountability for such an immature and almost cruel response. [3] 

Of course, we don’t know all the details of the couple’s relationship, but there may be some serious red flags from this story alone. It just shows the ironic importance of flatulence. Its impact on a relationship could be very revealing of some other issues. So don’t be afraid to have “the farting talk,” as ridiculous as that sounds. 

“This can also open up the dialogue to other important bodily functions that are often shamed and cause embarrassment, including excretion of fluids during sex, menstruation, post-coital vaginal flatulence, and bowel movements,” said Chavez. “It is all human, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. A couple tackling this topic is setting a healthy foundation for open and honest communication.” 

Keep Reading: Why More and More Women Have Stopped Shaving Nowadays